And I miss you in the June gloom, too

Just bored over here spending  too much money. For once I'm not eating too much. 

Haven't done anything fun lately. Shane and I went to a winery on Sunday: 

Im not sure why those two pictures are odd sized, but it was a nice day. I finished my bottle yesterday. It was pretty good even though I'm not a wine person. Beer is so much easier to open 

when i say nothing, i say everything.

So I just got back from Lancaster and it was really nice. 

I'm not looking forward to going to work tomorrow. Like I've said a million times, it's just getting really hard. I hate being such a horrible employee, but they just make it hard to even care. There are so many stipulations on our jobs and it's not fun having the threat of losing your job every day. The CEO has this plan for our budget (I work for a  non-profit and the state budget took forever to get passed, might not be yet, I don't know so basically we lost a lot of funding). How that's my fault, I don't know, seeing as my department wasn't under that restriction and we have always been a profitable department. So  the Family Services Plan is to move the Service Coordination unit (me) and the Supportive Living department to a building around the corner (called Corbet) where a lot of the doctors, therapist and D&A programs are. This doesn't sound too bad, however, I currently have my own desk and we have a private area for staff to sit. At Corbet, there is what is called a "fishbowl" which is a giant glass room with a counter around the inside of it where staff can do work. So when clients walk by, they can see the people in the fishbowl. Originally, the plan for Corbet was to be this integrated office where all the different departments were BFF's. That's not working out. Anyway, to save money on rent, they are moving my unit and the SL department to Corbet. But the main reason is that my unit is profitable and the doctors, therapists and D&A groups are not. So basically we have to move over there to pay for everything because those programs suck (rent, electric, water, etc). We're mad for several reasons, mostly it being really small and there are going to be over 30 people sharing a space that was meant for 10, as the fishbowl wasn't meant for a lot of people. They're talking about renovating  so the 20 of us moving offices will have our own space. I'm considering looking for a new job at the end of the summer; sadly this is what it's coming to. I used to love my job. I was so happy, you know? I finally found a job that I didn't wish I got into a car accident on the way to work so I would have an excuse for not going. And here we go again....

I'm still listening to The White Stripes. Started listening to the Jack White solo album today. I'm still working on Game of Thrones, just started the 3rd book. I can't even explain what is taking so long because I really like these books, I just can't find the time to read. What am I doing? I have no idea. I read 4 chapters after I got home from Lancaster today, but I'm tired cause I had to leave at 7 and we didn't sleep a lot this weekend. 

So here I am just blogging about how much I hate work. Sorry no fun updates that everyone reading this blog doesn't already know. 

I'm the mess that has been left to save you.

You know when you completely forget about an artist and then randomly run across them again? And then you listen to them all day and just get really sad because you're pathetic and it reminds you of good times?

Wellll.... That's where we are right now. I still think it's crazy what music can do for someone, you know? It makes everything better, everything worse, it gets you, it connects you with people, it ruins your mood by bringing back memories.

Also about books... I wanted to say that I always wonder if a big part of me reading so much-- trying to find someone that I can relate to. It seems like an impossibility. I assume that everyone goes through this, you know, where no one seems like the understand you. Not that I'm exciting or one of those really eccentric people, but I'd just like to feel a little bit of myself in a character. ANY character. It rarely happens. I'm like a mix between Holden Caulfield (less annoying and melodramatic, I like to think) and Heather McDonald (as herself, though she's  a lot prettier than me). But other than that, I'm sort of at a loss. I think it's hard to find a character that I can (maybe anyone can relate to) because it's just a characteristic of a novel to have a character be at least somewhat dynamic. We have to have some plot and some growth to keep our interest. That's why I love Holden. The whole novel takes place in like 3 days, and he's not doing anything, just like real life. Anyway, I'm reading The Nest right now and there are so many characters and I don't like any of them.


I also hate that I've been changing my mind so much lately. I feel as though I just came to a conclusion about my life and I was fine with it and now someone just threw a wrench into that plan. Not saying it's a bad thing, not saying it's definite, just giving me a lot to think about. It's hard cause for the longest time I thought that certain things would just happen and they'd suck, but it would just be the organic way that life happens. Like I'd either just be a crazy cat lady or stuck in a miserable marriage because I didn't know that there was anything better out there. Then something happens and changes everything. You think "hey, maybe everything will work out. Maybe I won't live the rest of my life in some horrible nightmare" and then, well, you were wrong. You just learn to live with it. But here's that wrench. It's not what you wanted, but it's better than anything you've ever had before. You know? Just confused. Just trying to learn how to cook.

Speaking of. I made some peach-mango salsa today and it's amazing. And I made carb-less bread. It's basically made out of cheese, so really, how could it be bad? It's not, by the way. It's amazing.

Honestly, it's really good. Just tastes like cheese and SUPER easy to make.

I went to Kennywood with Shane for my birthday. Said no thanks, work. We took off as Monday was Memorial Day and Wednesday was some stupid All Staff day (just ate lunch-picnic style, and played some games--stupid)  By the way, I'm 28 (holy cats):

In line for the Thunderbird. It's one of those really old ones (for you non-Pittsburgh-ers, Kennywood is a really old theme park. Not many good rides, mostly wooden. Not that I consider myself a native, so it's hard for me to get super excited about Kennywood. It's like how us SMIB's get excited about the County Fair. These natves LOVE Kennywood. They think it's like Disney World (not that I would know), but it's a big deal. So are these Potato Patch Fries that I tried for the first time last year and they weren't anything special. Had them again this round...meh. It was overall a nice day. I got pretty sick actually on this ride called the Aero360. It just went around in circles. You know you're old when...But man did I get a headache and I was complaining up a storm, poor Shane. He was mad I refused to go on half the rides. No circle rides EVER AGAIN.)

This is a ride I refused to go on after Aero360 made me sick as hell. So Shane went on his merry way alone. 

 This was the modern day tunnel of love. I wish that I could find an actual one, a la Hey, Arnold (remember that??). Apparently there's one at Dollyworld.  But don't my teeth look white. Thanks, 3-D paint.

Goodnight. 

That's all, folks.