Monday, July 28, 2014

How can someone inconsistent mess up so consistently

This blog is just going to be me complaining about how much I hate boys; caution. 

I've been binge watching Below Deck on Bravo all weekend. It's a gloriously horrible show, but Ben is probably my favorite person on a reality show, ever. And Sam is my least favorite human being in existence. Anyway, I'm glad Alex is here because we are both on S.S. Text Me Back. I just told her about this ship and she's "all aboard". Basically, I just can't stand people. Sometimes I have to question whether certain boys are a bit MR. And I shouldn't say those things because I'm all person first language and stuff. But...seriously? Are you a human being? I swear you had a stroke because 99.9% of the texts you send are misspelled and then the rest just is dumb. Remember when you specifically made plans with me and then just didn't follow up with it? I sat at home all night with Alex trying not to drink (I didn't. Be proud of me). You know when you know that you're being that annoying girl who has the memory of  a goldfish for mean things boys do to you? Yeah. I just need to find someone else and then I'll be okay. I'm good at moving on when I have a distraction, like everyone else. 

And to make matters worse, Mom came over tonight and made me go through all of the clothes on the 3rd floor and Gram was upstairs. Literally it was like the worst party that I've ever been forced to attend. They both came into the TV room part of the 3rd floor and asked if I wanted this or that. BOTH OF THEM. NO I DON'T WANT IT. NO I DON'T WANT IT. I make it a point to not snap at my Grandma cause she does so much for me and she's never done anything mean to me, but sometimes I just snap. Everyone reading this blog knows that, but still. THEN Jay was upstairs trying to get the cable box to work and he was obviously half on hold and half talking to an automated woman. Screaming at her because we Maloney's have very short tempers. All I wanted was a drink. But on Saturday I drank an obscene amount, texted a douche, and was still able to drive home. Like 6 beers, two margaritas and a shot. Granted it was over like 4 hours and an episode of Bob's Burgers, but still. So I'm not drinking this week. I'll shovel food into my fat stomach to help a bit. 

Back to crazy guys. Why do they buy drinks for girls at bars? They weren't buying a drink specifically for me, because I'm ugly and my back was turned to them, but some drunk guys in this booth behind us kept pointing to their buddy and being like "he wants to buy you shots". First off, I don't drink shots. I hate them. Secondly, there are like 6 of us and one random boy at this point in the night. Why would you waste all of that money? Then he didn't even talk to any of the other girls. They just paid and left. I mean, I wish I had that kind of money. But whatever, I sipped that nasty redbull and vodka like I was the Queen of England and then walked back to my friend's house in the rain. 

All in all, I had a pretty bad weekend. Alex did come out with me on Saturday, so that was pretty cute. It's just so weird drinking with her in public. I feel so old cause she's 21. I did get to see Baby Carson for half of it and I watched the first seasons of Below Deck and #Rich Kids of Beverly Hills. Oh, and I made it to the C List on Kim Kardashian: Hollywood. I have that to be proud of. 

But when it all comes down to it:

Just know I hate myself for everything I said in this blog. 

But, whatever. 

Saturday, July 19, 2014

I've seen more spine in jelly fish I've seen more guts in 11 year old kids

I'm trying to think about what I've done the past couple of weeks to update everyone on my boring life. 

I went to a "Butch Fashion Show". What is that? The strangest thing you can think of. It's a fashion show with people whose gender was generally undetectable. I got hit on by an overweight lesbian (I looked really good that night; sweatshirt, jeans and Birkenstock's with a messy ponytail and no make up),  I hit my foot on a table and still have a bruise and well, nothing else happened. 

I also went to Marissa's last weekend. We watched a lot of Bob's Burgers and drank a lot of boxed wine. Oh we went to beach, too. It was a man-made beach with no cute boys. 

I went to see Brand New with Alex. She met some of her friends there. One guy was in love with her and he got really upset when she would stand next to me and we squeezed up closer to the stage. I was having a good time. I mean, 3 Blue Moon's later...I was 18 again in a mosh pit. But after all the sweat and bruises all over my feet cause I wore sandals. Silly me thinking we'd hang in back. 

Look at that excellent iPhone quality. 

I think that's all I've been up to lately. I've been spending a lot of money, like always. 

Friday, July 18, 2014

5 years we been over. Ask me why I came over?

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
  baby Carson
2. Are you outgoing or shy?

   Usually pretty shy
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

   Baby Carson, really. I have no one else.
4. Are you easy to get along with?

   I think so. 
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

   Apparently guys who are psychotic. 
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

   Same as always. 
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

   Depends. Some people go too far. 
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

    Probably one of my clients.
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

    I've been listening to FOB all weekend. So, all of them. 
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

    Secretly, yes. 
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

    Not for me. 
15. What good thing happened this summer?

    can't think of one thing. 
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

    I'll say no right now, but who knows. I say that every time. 
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

    I don't even know who my first crush was. 
19. Do you like bubble baths?

20. Do you like your neighbors?

    They keep me entertained. 
21. What are you bad habits?

    Being a stupid girl 
22. Where would you like to travel?

    The Grand Canyon
23. Do you have trust issues?

    I don't think so. I'm pretty trusting. Except if I have to trust someone...
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

    Drinking coffee.
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

    Every single part. 
26. What do you do when you wake up?

    Text a certain person back cause I've been getting good morning texts for a  
    while now. 
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

    Either or. I just wish it was even. 
28. Who are you most comfortable around?

    Most people. 
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

    Yeah yeah yeah. Stop doing that. 
30. Do you ever want to get married?

    I'd like to. 
31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

    Technically but it's so thin it always falls out. 
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

    Sonny and Cher. 
33. Spell your name with your chin.

    Too lazy. 
34. Do you play sports? What sports?

    Nope. No sports. 
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

    Nothing. They only bother me some times. 
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

    Chubby with a beard. And nice and won't cheat on me and will be interested in
    me for more than a week. And who texts me back after he stays over. Simple. 
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

    Madewell, Anthro, Target. 
40. What do you want to do after high school?

    Probably should stop doing these...
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

    They don't deserve them, no. But what can it hurt. 
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

    It's just another day. 
43. Do you smile at strangers?

    When I'm walking. 
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

    This is the hardest question I've ever had to answer. 
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

    The fact that I have to work. 
46. What are you paranoid about?

    Leaving things plugged in. 
47. Have you ever been high?

48. Have you ever been drunk?

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

    Not particularly. 
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

    Every day. 
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

53. Favourite makeup brand?

    Urban Decay. 
54. Favourite store?

55. Favourite blog?

    47 pound rooster
56. Favourite colour?

57. Favourite food? 

58. Last thing you ate?

    Snacks. Snacks. More snacks. 
59. First thing you ate this morning?

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

    Probably not. 
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

    Of course not. 
62. Been arrested? For what?

63. Ever been in love? 

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

    At a random party on a couch. Very romantic stuff. 
65. Are you hungry right now?

    Super full. 
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

    I have no friends. 
67. Facebook or Twitter?

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

69. Are you watching tv right now?

70. Names of your best friends?

71. Craving something? What?

72. What colour are your towels?

    Orange, yellow, leopard. 
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

    3, a body pillow and Greg. 
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

75. Favourite animal?

76. What colour is your underwear?

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

    Vanilla only. 
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

    Birthday cake.
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

80. What colour pants?

81. Favourite tv show?

    Bob's Burgers
82. Favourite movie?
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

    Is this a question. 
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

    Is this a question?
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

    All of them. 
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

    Don't know. 
87. First person you talked to today?

    Via text? Or voice? I don't know either. 
88. Last person you talked to today?

    Probably my uncle. 
89. Name a person you hate?

    No one. 
90. Name a person you love?

    No one. 
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

    yes, actually. 
92. In a fight with someone?

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

    More than average. 
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

    a couple. 
95. Last movie you watched?

    Good question. 
96. Favourite actress?

    I don't know. 
97. Favourite actor?

98. Do you tan a lot?

99. Have any pets?

100. How are you feeling?

101. Do you type fast?

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

     Most of it. 
103. Can you spell well?

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

      A lot. 
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

108. What should you be doing?

109. Is something irritating you right now?

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

111. Do you have trust issues?

     i answered this. 
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

     no one. 
113. What was your childhood nickname?

     nothing really. 
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

115. Do you play the Wii?

116. Are you listening to music right now?

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

118. Do you like Chinese food?

119. Favourite book?

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

121. Are you mean?

122. Is cheating ever okay?

          if i do it. but no.
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

125. Do you believe in true love?

126. Are you currently bored?

127. What makes you happy?

      weddings. cats, coffee, kanye. 
128. Would you change your name?

129. What your zodiac sign?

130. Do you like subway?

     i like quiznos. 
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

     he has a girlfriend. 
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

     i told you
133. Favourite lyrics right now?

     all fob lyrics
134. Can you count to one million?

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

     all of them. 
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

137. How tall are you?

    five six
138. Curly or Straight hair?

139. Brunette or Blonde?

140. Summer or Winter?

141. Night or Day?

142. Favourite month?

143. Are you a vegetarian?

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

      anything but dark. 
145. Tea or Coffee?
146. Was today a good day?

147. Mars or Snickers?

148. What’s your favourite quote?

   who needs flowers when they're dead. 
149. Do you believe in ghosts?

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?


Sunday, July 6, 2014

I swear I am always Dolly Parton in this song

He talks about you in his sleep
There's nothing I can do to keep
From crying when he calls your name, Jolene

Saturday, July 5, 2014

I confess, I messed up, dropping "i'm sorry" like you're still around

I'm really quite upset that I'm getting sick as I NEVER get sick. I feel like crap on a regular basis, but not like see a doctor sick. Talking sorta hurts at this point. It feels like someone took a bat to my upper chest. But I'll just drink a gallon of orange juice and watch a lot of movies for the next two days and I'll be okay. I do think that this is sort of karma because I'm sick on the only weekend when I can have people over.

Enough about me being sick. On Wednesday night, Whitney texted me and said "are we going to Fall Out Boy?" Uhh yes. So I thought I had to work late on Thursday (day of the concert), but I decided not to do that and then I picked up Whitney at 5:00 and in a perfect world, it would take about an hour to get to the concert venue because it's nowhere near the city, it's out in nowhere land. However, there was a mass amount of traffic for some reason. We got to the highway that would take us to the other highway that would take us to the venue, but that was backed up THE ENTIRE WAY. Like 15 miles worth of traffic. So we sat in about 8 miles of traffic and that took almost and hour, so Whitney found a new way on her GPS and we ended up getting there right before 7:00 when the concert started. But we didn't know there was an opening band named...? I don't know and I didn't really care. They were actually pretty good.

I was talking to Whitney and I was saying that this new music of the FOB genre isn't to my taste. I can't listen to it anymore. I can listen to old bands that I used to listen to, but only their music from when I was in high school. TBS, Mayday Parade, All Time Low, etc. All still making music, I still hate it all. I will always like every song that FOB makes though, so they're the only exception.

Then Paramore went on. I had Whitney sit way back in the grass (it was a pavilion with lawn seats), but we sat behind the main lawn area where the moms who randomly bring babies and dads who hate their lives. I'm on call this weekend and I already got a call while I was driving there, so I didn't want to get another one and miss it. I figured I'd hear my phone ring that far away. The only thing was the sound didn't travel very well that far back. I never really liked Paramore other than their newest CD. I didn't even see the band because they were so far away.

Then FOB started :))))) I was sorta jammin out alone and then I made the decision to cross the sidewalk that separates the poor people (general lawn) and the really big losers who don't want to be there (where we were sitting) and stood next to some younger kids who also weren't really into it. I was dancing and singing but we were still too far away that I could hear myself singing and the music wasn't loud enough. So we went deeper into the crowd. I was three extra large Mike's Hard Lemonades in at this point, so I wasn't really concerned about the possibility of someone calling into the crisis line needing to tell me that they're bored. I was pretty in love with life at this point and I was dancing like a maniac. I know that's hard to believe, but I think I have two modes: every day life and then FOB life. I was dancing so much and singing so loudly, I made the mom next to me move away. But that's not my problem. It's also hard to jump up and down on a hill. Whitney told me that she's never seen me that happy before. That's just how I get around FOB. As you know, I cannot express gratitude to save my life, but that night I think I told Whitney that I was so happy and I appreciated her going with me around 40 times. I just didn't have anyone else to go with me. We didn't even have tickets, we bought them when we got there.

Then it was July 4th. I had some friends over and we walked to Kiwanis to watch fireworks over by my house. It wasn't that fun, but I told everyone that I refused to go downtown again (too many people, pay for parking, you have to wait in line for 45 minutes for a damn hot dog), so they can come over or go downtown on their own. I ended up eating a lot and drinking a lot and the works.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014


  • 1: What is your name and does it mean anything?
    • Kristen and it's a derivitave of "Christ", I think. 
  • 2: How long have you known your best friend?
    • A long time
  • 3: What position do you normally sleep in?
    • Prone
  • 4: Were you a part of any “clique” in high school?
    • The people that weren't even cool enough to be in any sort of "clique"
  • 5: Who was your favorite teacher in high school and why?
    • Mr. Cockrell because he said my favorite quote ever "you're ugly and your mom picks out your clothes".
  • 6: Do you wish to travel a lot?
    • Meh, if I had an infinite amount of money and vacation time. 
  • 7: Did you participate in any sports while in school?
    • I did not.
    • 8: Show a sample of your handwriting:
      • It's bad
  • 9: Have you ever given blood?
    • A lot of times. 
  • 10: Do you like the way that you grew up?
    • I can't say that I'm too fond of it. 
  • 11: Do you like your siblings? Why or why not?
    • Obviously
  • 12: How did you meet your best friend and why did you become friends?
    • School and because we're great. 
  • 13: Name one movie that made you cry.
    • The Grinch
    • 14: Do you prefer to read poetry, write poetry, or neither?
      • neither. It's all pretty lame 
  • 15: Things about someone that you find attractive?
    • big white teeth, glasses, beards, chest hair, drinking coffee, driving white subaru's, having a good job, enjoying reading, not being obsessed with video games, texting me a lot, not talking to ten girls at the same time
  • 16: What song are you currently listening to?
    • "Hello" by Sonny and Cher
  • 17: Have you ever broken a bone? If so, how?
    • Yes. I broke my arm in the much disputed disaster of my third year of life. 
  • 18: A random memory from you childhood:
    • getting locked in a shed with Ashleigh by some girl named Christina. 
  • 19: Where did you grow up?
    • Missouri and Maryland. 
  • 20: What was the last thing you watched on tv?
    • I watched The Internship last night. 
  • 21: Do you think you’d make a good parent?
    • Probably not. 
  • 22: Would you like to meet any of your Tumblr friends in person?
    • No
  • 22: What was the last dream you remember having?
    • I wrote about them in a blog. 
  • 23: When is your birthday?
    • 5/31
  • 24: How many pillows do you sleep with?
    • 4
  • 25: Do you wear glasses? If so, how long have you been wearing glasses?
    • Nope
  • 26: What color is your hair?
    • Brownish red with gold highlights
  • 27: Name 5 facts about your appearance:
    • I'd rather not. 
  • 28: What is your favorite soda?
    • Diet Cherry Pepsi
  • 29: What is a strange talent that you have?
    • I'm really good at ETA's
  • 30: How’s the weather right now?
    • It's humid as hell
  • 31: Why did one of your friendships end?
    • I generally don't care to keep them going. 
  • 32: Who do you miss right now?
    • No one. 
  • 33: Why did your last relationship end?
    • You know
  • 34: Are you still figuring out who you are?
    • Not really. I think I have a good sense of that. 
  • 35: Have you ever been admitted to a hospital? Why?
    • I have not. 
  • 36: What is your favorite restaurant?
    • At the moment, Chipolte
  • 37: What is word that you always seem to spell wrong?
    • their 
  • 38: Would ever adopt kids?
    • I need a husband first
  • 39: What is your favorite kind of pizza?
    • ham, black olive, green pepper 
  • 40: What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?
    • "too fucking tired"
  • 41: When was the last time you got really really happy and why?
    • While I was reading
  • 42: What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?
    • Everything I eat is perfectly normal. 
  • 43: How do you start a conversation?
    • Depends who it is. 
  • 44: What’s a band you’ve been obsessed with lately?
    • Sonny and Cher
  • 45: Do you come from a family “of money?”
    • I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth. Okay, not really. It's one of those really hard plastic spoons that you can reuse about 300 times. 
  • 46: Do you have a bucket list?
    • No way. 
  • 47: What is your favorite series of books?
    • Valley of the Dolls/Shadow of the Dolls. 
  • 48: When was the last time you laughed so hard your stomach hurt?
    • It's been a while. 
  • 49: Where do you go when you’re sad?
  • 50: 5 random facts about yourself:

too hot to live

So I've started to just write down all of my thoughts in a journal from 2003 because I'm not in the mood to have everyone know my thoughts, however cryptic. I like the idea of a journal, I don't even bother hiding it or using a lock because my handwriting is so bad. It reminds me of that episode of Doug when Roger gets Doug's journal and Doug is so worried but Roger can't read it cause it's all chicken scratch. 

If you'd like to know about my week...
 I went to see Dave Matthews on Saturday. Why, you ask? I have no idea. I didn't enjoy it. My one friend is very uptight and my other friend got drunk and that was just a shitshow. Like we drink, goi. But I had to drive home cause Whitney was not okay to drive home. I don't know one Dave Matthews song and I'll tell you right now the only think I liked about that show was the fact that one friend bought these really delicious crab french fries that I ate 90% of cause once I start drinking, I eat twice as much. And then I got Whitney drunk enough to trick her into buying me beer. I'm such a good friend. I did buy her Chipolte though. 
By the way, Chipolte is my new obsession. 

Then on Sunday, I went to the library but apparently they're closed on Sundays in the summer. So they were having this garden club thing so the doors were open. I walked in and the whole place was dark except the lobby. The nice librarian turned on the lights and she let me look around all by myself. It was pretty awesome to have the whole library to myself. I got a book I'll probably never read, but whatever. 

In other, more boring news, 

I'm off to eat more chicken.