Wednesday, June 25, 2014


I did want to take a minute to jot down the dreams I've been having. They're on par with my many bomb dreams that I've had. 

Two nights ago, I had a dream that my old co-worker, Kelsey, and I were in some sort of locked facility like a hospital. We were trying to escape from someone, but Kelsey ended up getting shot in the forehead. There was a lot more before that happened, but all I remember was running down stairs in a hallway that looked like a hospital and then being in a reception area. I was sitting in a car at one point waiting for someone...

Then I had another dream later that night with people whose names I will change. Let's say I started dating Mike, in real time it would seem, and we were sitting on his couch watching TV when, what do you know, Kayla walks in. I already know what Kayla looks like from my extensive stalking, so I knew who this was in the dream. Except in my dream, Kayla looked a lot younger. Kayla also looked like she'd been crying for a week and hadn't eaten (a reaction I wish that I could one day have when someone breaks up with me). She was wearing a pink sweatshirt and a black shirt. I remember she walked in the house and started telling me that I was dating the worst person in the world and he was lying to me and her. Little did she know, that I already knew. I'm not sure what that's supposed to me. Maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me NOOOOO. But then I'm like, really. I know how it's going to end so there are no surprises and that's my favorite thing. 

Then last night I had this dream that Ashleigh and I were in our house, which was not our house. But there was a tornado that lifted up our house completely and turned it around about ten times while Ash and I were still in it. Then we plopped back down on the lawn, much worse for the wear, but we were still alive and our house was standing. This was much like the Wizard of Oz, minus dropping a house on the Wicked Witch of the East. The odd thing is that none of the other houses on the block were affected. 

when you find out where you're going, let me know

Well there's really nothing I love more than a song about a scorned lover, specifically one that ends with the cheating lover getting shot. I wasn't sure how to say that without getting graphic. But I checked out a lot of Sonny and Cher CD's at the library and Cher sings a song called "Dark Lady". I've listened to the song about 30 times and read the lyrics, yet I'm still a little fuzzy on the plot. I also have a soft spot for ballads. See "A Boy Named Sue". Anyway, in this song, I guess Cher gets her fortune read by a gypsy (another one of my favorite things) who is also screwing her boyfriend. Cher brings a gun to the pajama party.

Another song that I'm obsessed with is "Crystal Clear/Muddy Waters" by both Sonny AND Cher. It's a song about Cher cheating and then making a half assed apology and then Sonny just giving in and taking her back. It's nice to have a song about my life. Thanks, Sonny, for making me feel a little bit better about myself. But, God, I just need that validation. I can't help I'm a weak person. 

Well, in case you were wondering what I did with my weekend...the answer is not much. Ashleigh was up here and we went to our cousin Valerie's baby shower. It was like 45 minutes away and I had to drive GoGo there and back. Which wasn't as horrible as I imagined. I'm just so used to my 90 year old grandma being in better shape that I am, I have no patience for old people that need constant assistance. But I guess she gets around okay other than the oxygen. GoGo got Valerie a stroller and my family got her a car seat, needless to say I had some issues getting them into my car. My Aunt Pattie and Alexa had to drive the stroller separately so I could haul Ashleigh in the back of my wagon. Did I tell you about the fiasco that was buying the presents in the first place? I don't want to go in to it, but it was a fiasco, let me tell you. It involved an old man helping me put the stroller in my car and pushing GoGo in a wheelchair and her yelling at me cause I was going too fast and giving her a headache cause she needs to look at everything. And when I say everything, I'm including baby girl socks. Valerie is having a boy. My other cousin just had a baby, but he also had a boy. No girl socks needed, GoGo. Anyway, the shower was a lot nicer than I thought it would be. There were a million really pretty girls, which I was not expecting as Valerie hails from the most rural area within 100 miles of Pittsburgh. A.K.A I felt super inferior. There were also hick boys with beards and bandannas and summer shandy at the shower, one of which is my favorite thing. Valerie is very pregnant, and when did my cousins all get such perfect hair? Anyway, it was a nice shower mainly because there weren't any games such as melting chocolate in a diaper and having people guess what kind of chocolate it is. All we did was guess the price of baby items. I'm clearly ready for children because the actual total was $80 but my total was $255. I'm great at The Price Is Right. I'm just saying that I'll be underwhelmed by all of the expenses of a baby. But I'm also planning on marrying a man who can buy me all the Burberry bags that I want, so the inflation of the price of diapers and baby bottles by the time I have children won't concern me.  Then we drove home after eating about 14,000 calories in gross chicken tenders and cream puffs. 

I did make bread pudding last night, and despite the fact that I neglected to add the vanilla extract, it turned out really darn good. 

And here's your weekly dose of everything I wish my life could be:

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

I've got some reasons to explain the way I was today.

I've been slightly obsessed with this Sonny and Cher song. No judgement. 
I can't get over Cher's lashes. I'll take them and be happy.
I mean... COME ON. 
Have you ever seen a more perfect couple?  
Other than Greg and I, especially when I had blond hair and obviously was sending awk pictures of myself to someone. 

Anyway, my reasoning for the title of this post is that I've been really mean to someone who doesn't deserve it. But they've done enough in the past and even currently to deserve to have me be mean to them. But it's weird, I keep telling them things that I don't want to. And that I don't want to tell anyone, and they don't care. 
But what can you do? I guess I keep saying things cause I hope one day. And why am I so nice and open with this person, when they're clearly not with me. And when I'm not with anyone else.

Well, this weekend I did absolutely nothing. And I mean I literally did nothing. Okay, I did. I was about to type "As always, it was a bad decision". But I stood up for myself for once, so I'm kind of proud of myself. Like let's not pretend that I did anything wrong in this situation and don't make me feel bad because you're an asshat. I didn't do anything wrong. 
Okay, no more about my sordid personal life. 

Marissa and I went to pick up Alaina in Toledo, OH. It was a long ass drive for one day, but I'm glad I got to see Marissa and Alaina. The Ohio Turnpike is a lot nicer than PA's. I can't lie about that. 

Okay, I'm done.
But I do love when Cher says "give her a feather, she's a Cherokee" 

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Stale conversation deserves but a bread knife

I'm just getting really annoyed at work. The same things are happening here that made me quit my last job. Maybe it's just me. I need direction I can't do anything on my own and I can't even be near people that can't make decisions because I just hate them. I've just been binge eating and binge listening to Vampire Weekend. The newest cd is actually really good when you pick it up a year later. I hated it at first.
I'm annoyed when people think that they are the it person in the universe. Or that they are the only one with problems. I'm not even talking about my personal life, I mean my clients. Like how about you stop making me drop everything and accommodate you just to call me to tell me that you can't do what you so desperately needed to do the day before. I'm just moody as hell. And I need for boys to stop half texting me. And I was wondering the other day is why do we treat people differently? For example, douchebag #1 I will always text no matter what. But why? I don't get it either. Douchebag #2 could care less if he is around but he can just come and go whenever and it doesn't affect me. But I'll always do whatever he wants (which is changing... Maybe because I'm lazy or I just am starting to only care about myself?) douchebag #3 texts me and I literally don't give one crap. #2 and #3 treat me exactly the same and both did the same thing to me, but I guess #2 is cuter?  Also, I'm having 9th grade problems with #2. Well, with the sexual prowess of middle schoolers these days, it's probably decreased into a 7th grade problem. But as Natalia Kills says, take it or leave it. You're the one who needs it.

I guess that's good for the rant at this moment