Sunday, November 24, 2013

I'm coming apart at the seams, pitching myself for leads in other people's dreams.

And again, it's been forever since I blogged. Of course, no new developments.  I like my job enough to say I don't think I'm going to hate it, however, I haven't really done anything. And I think that's a good attitude for me to have....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LAUREN! You're so old today.
That's one awesome cake, especially now that you're 30. 

Also, you know what I've found... I have a lot of opinions. I know that I haven't gone through some cataclysmic change like some other people have, but I feel like I've done a lot of changing since I was in high school, college, a miserable Best Buy know. I think that I will always be an extremely pessimistic person, however, I've lightened the load as of late.  I feel a less significant need to talk badly about other people (don't get me wrong, I still do, but it's just not necessary anymore). The one reason that I've never understood why I love Holden Caulfield is that we're so different. The same in a lot of ways, but he really hates everything and is adamant about it. Not everything is phony, Holden. He is also in a mental institution and I'm living a normal life, but you get the idea. I do hate everything, but I don't hate everything. I'm sure that makes no sense and I'll quote the greatest person to ever life (hint: it's Holden) "I can't explain what I mean and even if I could I'm not sure I'd feel like it" . I'm just saying that I don't need to hate everyone like I used to. You know? The world isn't out to get me, in fact, it doesn't really care. 

I also like to put people into categories...I've probably told you all about this but they are categorized by two of my favorite things : Texting and Mean Girls. These things are all quite obvious and I'm not breaking ground on some new psychological discovery, they're just true. Don't deny it. 

There are two types of texters (and in conclusion, people) in this world: The stop-and-starters and the in-it-for-the-long-haulers. The former: you know this person, they will text you "hey" and you respond "hi" because honestly, if you're not going to put in any effort, neither am I. Then there's the obligatory "what's up" and then I'll tell them what I'm doing. And as an aside, there are two more types of people the oversharers and the undersharers, but that's for another blog...Let me just say, I hate these people. Okay, let me clarify- I only hate them when they're supposed to be having a conversation with me. There's really nothing I dislike more than small talk. Save that for your random friend that you haven't seen in 10 years and you were never really fond of them, not someone who is supposed to be your good friend or your boyfriend. 
Then there is the person that I absolutely love: the in-it-for-the-long-haulers. These people are like your best friends. There is never a lag in the conversation (even if it's about gross things like my Group message with Lauren, Ashleigh and Jamie), but it's just one continuous conversation. Those are the good ones. 

There are three types of males in this world and I like to categorize them through Mean Girls (the movie). Mean Girls is probably one of my favorite movies, and I can honestly quote every single line and I love it because it's universal. I think that 90% of females my age can do the same. Every line is great and relatable. Now to the three types of males:
Type 1: The I'm-not-watching-that Guy. This guy is usually the second biggest jerk of them all (Type 2 is the worst). You say "Let's watch Mean Girls" and they'll say "I'm not watching that". I've actually never experienced this, but it's more of a metaphor (or not a metaphor, but I don't know what the word is) because, let's be honest, who won't watch this movie? In general, you always have to watch what they want to watch when they want to watch it and 10 out of 10 times they will ruin shows that you used to like due to over-watching.  Don't ever suggest something that's on Lifetime or MTV, because they'll pretend to be interested for about 9 seconds and then change the channel saying it's "stupid". So basically you just got called stupid because you like Teen Mom (hold your thoughts/comments, please). 
Type 2: The Let's-watch-Mean-Girls Guy. These are the absolute worst. I have three movies in my house 1. Zombieland 2. Marie Antoinette 3. Mean Girls and if given the choice, if you're a male, you'd think Zombieland would be the choice every time. However, sometimes it's not. More often it's Mean Girls. These guys are younger, obnoxious, use emoticons and say things like "you're cute" every ten seconds. Last time I checked, I'm not 12 despite the fact that I live with my grandma, listen to Paramore and I'm contemplating buying a pair of Uggs. Also I'm not "cute". That's not a compliment. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is there is something wrong when a male adamantly wants to watch a movie about morals for teenage girls. And it's especially bad when they weren't even in high school in 2004. 
Type 3: The I'll-watch-it-cause-you-like-it Guy. These are the best. I always feel bad for them, but I think it's nice. I'll watch whatever you want and do whatever you want to do, so I expect the same courtesy. There is one caveat to this rule, though, and that is the guy that does this cause he thinks that he will get more out of it. You won't, buddy. Have you met me? One time someone watched an entire season of Gossip Girl with me, and I'm sure you know how that turned out. 

In other news: Yesterday I made a pie. It was good, but I didn't like it:
It wasn't cooked yet. I forgot to take an "after"

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

I only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me.

I think by this point we all know that I love Fall Out Boy and I think that Patrick Stump is the greatest thing that ever walked the planet. Just when I thought that they couldn't get any better, they release PAX AM, and I hated it. But now I love it. There's this song "Caffeine Cold" and it's probably the best song that they've ever made. That's how I feel at the moment. I'd have a hard time trying to decide what song is my favorite, however, this one is awesome. The first ten or so times I listened to it, I passed it over because I literally couldn't understand what Patrick was singing. Then on the way to get my General Tso's after work, I finally heard the words:

I just want to fill you all with such dread
Let you suck it out, let you suck it out 'til I'm dry and dead
Now I've got love flowin' in my nightmare girl
Caffeine cold, caffeine cold and I can't see shit

Don't breathe life into a monster then
Complain when he destroys it all again
Don't breathe life into a monster then
Complain when he destroys it all again

[Verse 2]
Now I smell like cigarettes cause I love to breathe your smoke
I smell like alcohol cause I drink to believe in more
I have 3 drinks before I even start to count
I think I'm gonna move way down south

                   The hook is the best part. I appreciate your metaphor there, boys. Half the time their lyrics make no sense. Well line by line they make sense, but when you put them all together it's a scattered mess of a song. I can relate to those and if I was going to get a tattoo, I could get that permanently on my skin. This song would've been more suited about 6 months ago, but still. 

Oh, so how about today I had another embarrassing moment... I'm in state mandatory SPA training to be an SC and we were waiting for the next presenter who was pretty late. So the facilitators decided that they wanted to play some games. The one lady brought out some hula hoops and asked for volunteers and obviously I sank in my chair and pretended to word diligently on a pre-test that was supposed to be completed like 6 hours ago. So I got out of having to do the hula hoop game. It ended up just being that game where you stand in a circle and hold hands and pass the hula hoop around without breaking the circle. I'm so good at that game, in retrospect I should've raised my hand for that one. So next they say that we're going to play the "Unicorn Game" and they need two volunteers. So no one raises their hands and then some asshat from the hula hoop group says "the people that didn't volunteer last time have to go this time". Ever democratic, the facilitators thought that was a great idea. So there are about 5 of us who didn't participate. They picked some random girl from the crowd and then no one else volunteered. They were like "come on, someone do it". Whatever, I'll take one for the team, how hard could this be. Then they bring out a two sided white board and hand me a dry erase marker. oh crap. They split the room in two so there are about ten people that can only see my board and ten that can only see the girl on the other side's. Then I was instructed to draw a unicorn. Really? You know those people that say they can't draw a straight line with a ruler? That's me. 
This is pretty much what it looked like (I drew a nice rendition). Then in front of all of these people, everyone got to tell me what was good about it. They said that it was cute and looked happy. Then everyone got to criticize my picture. Then the fat facilitator asked how that made me feel. I said it didn't hurt my feelings because my unicorn was ugly. Then he asked how my body felt while I was drawing. I didn't know how to answer that, so I didn't really. Just laughed and shrugged. I was probably so red cause I hate attention. Especially when I have to draw in public and I'm hopped up from 6 cups of coffee cause there was no good food there today. 

Well, off to Old Navy. 

Sunday, November 10, 2013

hot to the touch, cold on the inside.

Here's some pictures of Alaina that I took this weekend. I bought her the cutest outfit at work the other day and I'm so happy she wore it.

I love this one

This should really be called "I refuse to let Kristen take any decent pictures of me on this beautiful day."