Sunday, June 30, 2013

I will appear to you if you make yourself shake fast enough

I'm probably the only one who is still obsessed with this Fall Out Boy CD two months later. I had my Kanye thing, and now I'm back to FOB. This album just has so many quotable lyrics. I love everything about it.  For some reason half of the songs on my computer won't play. Including this FOB album. The world is ending, guys.

I'm not ready to go to work tomorrow. I had a very laid-back weekend. I laid in bed on Friday night and I went to the gym. Then I worked at Old Navy on Saturday, I think that there were police involved twice while I was there (that's what someone said later) but I was safe in the fitting room. In case you live under a rock or don't wear crappy flip flops, yesterday was $1 Flip Flop Day at Old Navy.  Every time I ventured out of the fitting room it was like a war zone. All of these ghetto black ladies kept asking me questions that I couldn't answer. THERE ARE NO MORE FLIP FLOPS...WE OPENED AT 7 AM AND THERE WERE LINES AROUND THE STORE WHY DID YOU GET HERE AT 4 AND EXPECT YOUR SIZE AND COLOR TO BE HERE? Stupid people. I saw a lot of boobs and butt cracks.

I bought a bikini so that probably means it will look ugly. I'll show you when it comes in. I bought the bottom from Asos and the top from Victoria's Secret. This is what happens when you're fat and you wait until the middle of summer to try to find a bathing suit. Not like I should be seen in a bathing suit, but whatever. Everyone can deal with my fat and my cellulite. In an attempt to make it look like I've gotten a small dose of Vitiman D this summer, I've been self-tanning. I'm trying to get my legs to not look like a vampires. Everything else on my body tans easily except for my legs. They're horribly ugly. Not like this whole self tanning thing is working. I've been using the gradual tanner and gradually, I'm still pale. 

Friday, June 28, 2013

i just want to be better than your heads only medicine.

You know what's really getting on my nerves: Mail

Just because you're having budget cuts, United States Postal Service and are not going to provide mail service on Saturday's starting in August, does not mean you can use that as an excuse to take 6 days to get my shoes to me. I'm looking at you, Nordstrom. Zappos overnighted my shoes FOR FREE. I don't care if your shipping is free Nordstrom, but this whole taking an entire week to get to my house is unacceptable. Every day I get home I'm like "Oh I bet my shoes are here today". Nope, no luck. So I finally went online and tracked my package and it won't get here until TUESDAY. Step it up, Nordstrom. 

And then, PNC is sending me a notice that I haven't paid my bill and I'm getting a late charge. The letter was dated JUNE 22, 2013. I got it today, June 28th. A lot could've happened in between that time...

Also, I sent in my request to have my student loan lowered on Monday and I haven't heard back from them. AES better approve it because I finally stopped being lazy and if the government is going to help me pay back my enormous student loan debt, then so be it. I'm finally taking advantage of government handouts. What my conservative blood has been bitching about for so long.

And really, all I want is food. I came home and slept and it's 7:00 pm where is dinner. Honestly.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

was it a game to you?

I just went on a downloading frenzy.
I got the new Kanye album and... I listened to one song and I'm none too impressed. Now, this was my reaction to his last album and now I admit that it's my favorite. I'm listening to the Norah Jones Remix album. I love it. It's poppy.
Now I'll go eat.
We had a bird in the house today. It was odd. I moved my room around and helped Alex move hers around. Then I ate and drank some beer and went to the gym and bleh.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

She may be young, but she only likes old things

I've essentially been sitting on my bed looking up sports bras since I got home at 4. That's right, be jealous. I got out of work early today. 
I vacuumed and maybe I'll bring my laundry downstairs. It needs done. You can only wear a jean jacket so many times a week. Gretchen Weiners would not let me sit with her. 
I cleaned Harry's cage, cause it was getting kind of stinky. But butt honestly hurts from sitting. 

Gym, bleh
Gym, you suck
Gym, i need you

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

this story's going somewhere.

I've got 99 problems and an inappropriate crush is one. 
What if you had a baby and it turned out to be the ugliest thing ever. With big ears a huge forehead?
I'd cry

Today I came home like I always do and went up to my room. I did my whole "hello bayyyybbbee" spiel and then I literally dropped what I was holding. Or I would've dropped it if I was holding something. I looked in Harry's cage and he was NOT THERE. I thought he was playing a game and just hiding from me so I moved all of his bedding around. I looked in his hanging basket and under his wheel. No where. When ever I get nervous I can't do anything, so I just stood there and stared at the floor. What the hell is going on? I looked all over the cage for his escape route. Nothing. No holes. Someone let him out. SOMEONE LET HIM OUT. HE CAN'T SURVIVE ON HIS OWN HE'S ONLY A BABY. I thought maybe he was in my room somewhere since the door to my room was closed and the door to his cage was closed. I saw some poop on my floor, so I immediately ripped apart my room trying to find him. I didn't know what to do next. So I ran downstairs and I shouted at Gram "Where is my mouse??!!" and of course I had to repeat myself multiple times and on about the 6th try I look over by the window and what do you know? There's Harry in between the curtains.  "OMG THERE'S HARRY" (that's my voice). I run over to him and try to catch him. But being a mouse and very slippery, this was a difficult task. Here I am sliding all over the hardwood floors in a dress trying to catch him He's hard enough to catch when he's in his cage, let alone in a gigantic living room. Then he goes behind the TV, under the coffee table, behind the couch, under the armchair. The best was when he was under the coffee table, which is on wheels. So I was wheeling it around and around and gram would go "there he is". Like, I see him gram. Help me catch him. I told her to get a cup and she did. How sad is it that I was planning on catching my mouse in a cup? Well then he went over into a corner where there is a desk and a small table next to it with the printer on it. There's room underneath both tables where the legs are but I'm not small enough to get underneath and around. So I essentially just trapped him back there .Then there was a wicker basket on the table and I just took it and blocked his escape route and he's dumb and ran right into the basket. So I caught him and everything is good now. I think he was honestly going insane from hunger. For about 45 minutes while I was on my computer, he was running around his cage like Spiderman. Then I fed him and he calmed down. Maybe he just wanted out of the cage because he thought that he could forage for food. Poor thing. He's sleeping now. His little adventure must have tired him out.

I'm having a bad week, otherwise. Not particularly bad, just really busy and I want to sleep forever.

Here's to Harry

Saturday, June 8, 2013

It can never bring you down.

This is exactly how I feel right now. Not that I'm even bothered by the fact that I'm sitting in my bed alone drinking beer. I don't mind that, I have friends, I guess, so what am I a saying? I bought more stuff today. I also took back some stuff, so I think it evened out in the end? Probably not. I'm going to go work out because I have nothing else to do.

your heart was dying fast and you didn't know what to do

I was reading Lauren's blog and I felt like putting some pictures of all of these new, fancy makeup products that she gets in her 900 boxes. I don't have that kind of money, so here's what I've been using lately. All of this crap that I got at Sephora, Ulta or Target.   

Laura Mercier Silk Creme Foundation in Cream Ivory This I bought when I was with my mom. I think that the color is too light for me, especially in the summer, but it covers pretty well. For a while there was something whack going on with my skin and no matter what I did, my makeup would flake off. After I started using the Hope in a Jar Night (Below), everything started to get back to normal. But this make up does cover really well. This is what I've read about for a while and I wanted to give it a try. It also goes on pretty well, and that's all I care about.

Philosophy Take a Deep Breath and Hope in a Jar Night  Both of these moisturizers are pretty awesome. I bought the Take a Deep Breath on a whim a few months ago when I ran out of my Lush moisturizer. It's very light and it gets the job done. Like I said, it's not heavy so it's really nice to wear during the day. At night, however, Hope in a Jar is basically my life saver. It's a perfect contrast to the Take a Deep Breath. Very heavy, but it doesn't make your skin oily or anything like that, it just does a really good job at saying what it's supposed to do.

Philosophy The Present Primer this product is a godsend. It actually works. It's $29, so I was nervous to buy it, but I think it's worth it. I use too much every day so I'm assuming it won't last me much outside of a month and a half, but whatever. It really helps with keeping my makeup from caking and coming off during the day. I really need it around my nose where I have pores that can be seen on Google Earth, and this stuff helps my make up not look disgusting by 10:30am

Revlon Lash Potion was on sale for 4.99 at Target so I made my mom buy it, not thinking much of it. It was actually a really good decision on my part. This stuff is good. I like it so much and I get a lot of compliments on my eyelashes. I love compliments.

Maybeline Dark Circle Eraser is amazing. I also bought this with my mom and she said that she'd heard great things about it. I've never seen it before and upon first use, I had some trepidations because it was so light. That's perfect. I use it as a highlighter. And it's only around 8 dollars so I don't feel so bad piling it on to cover up my ugliness. It has a spongy tip that makes application very easy. You should check it out.

Friday, June 7, 2013


I'm just really ready for food.
And to not have psycho people text me. 
And to sleep for a million years.
And my boss gave me her Galaxy s II to use at work instead of my shitty work phone. I feel so important now. Whoo
Harry smells. He pooped on my when I was letting him run around my legs. 
ya, gross.

Monday, June 3, 2013

hollerin' bout some hoes.

Hello, I need a life...
But these are the boys I'm gettin' currently:
No words. Alex Pettyfer. I think he's playing Christian Grey. I had no intentions of seeing that horrible excuse for literature turned into a big screen production, but I'm assuming Alex will be naked a majority of the film, so yeah. I'll be there. Maybe even in 3D.

Bob Benson
Real name: Unknown. He's on Mad Men for all of you crazies that don't watch that show. He drinks a lot of coffee and he's incredibly positive. Unlike myself. And he wears ties. Enough said. 

And IIIIIIiiIIIIII will always love youuuuuuuu
Even if I'm the only one on the Pete Campbell train. He's such an asshole, yet he's really not. I bet part of my problem in the romance department is that I truly thing that Pete is the epitome of perfection. Also, that Kanye West can write some sick love ballads. Just sayin'. That's why I quoted him in the first sentence. 

To gym or not to gym, that is the question?
In other news, my girl Heather McDonald has a new book...Why did no one tell me?
Also, some asshole actually had the audacity to respond with a "Hi bitch" when I refused his multiple attempts at asking me to go to the gym with him. I'm too fat for that, anyway. 
You have to treat me like a princess first. Also, not make me feel like I'm fat and I need to work out. You don't need to point out the obvious. You've got to beer and dine me, dude. Let the calories be my problem.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Tell that mick he just made my list of things to do.

I thought that I would write two blogs today: One happy blog, one sappy "I hate my life" type of blog.
You had the former, now here's the latter.

You know when you think that something went really well, but apparently it didn't. I generally have a really good sense about how people feel about me. I can sense your feelings waning. But I guess that in my old age, I'm getting worse at this. In my old age, I'm also getting not only crazier but very picky. I never used to order the same thing or be particular about how I order things. Get this, at Olive Garden I ordered ravioli with portabella mushrooms. It came with this sun-dried tomato sauce. I didn't want that so I ordered meat sauce ON THE SIDE. Who am I? I get the same thing every single time I go to a restaurant. I used to be the type of person who never got the same thing.
Anyway, when I first meet people I generally don't have any feelings towards them. I genuinely like everyone that I meet, but I'm not picking out our kids' names or anything. I'm just used to being like "oh, you're a boy...okay. Let's hang out and you'll be super obsessed with me for a few weeks then get bored and not like me and only then will I start to have feelings for you". But not this time.

Well, whatever. I'm just going to take a nap.
I was supposed to go to an Arthritis walk for work on Saturday morning...that didn't happen. Friday was my birthday, as you know, and I went out with some friends. Of course I can never get drunk when I really want to get drunk and I always get drunk in situations when I shouldn't be drunk. Well, I drank and drank and didn't even feel a buzz. I thankfully didn't have to pay for any of it since it was my birthday, but still. No buzz. So instead of sleeping on the floor at my friends house, Marissa and I just went to sleep at my house. I was this un-intoxicated that I could drive the twenty minutes home from Shady Side. Anyway, I set my alarm to wake up at 7:00 and I did, but in my mind I was like "just a few seconds... I don't even need to hit snooze". Well the next thing I know Marissa is waking up and I'm thinking that it's really bright outside. And it's also 9:45. Whoops. I told my boss what happened and she laughed and said it was fine because she knew I went out the night before for my birthday. Little did she know I was just tired, not hungover. Then last night, Alex and I stayed up until about 1:00 drinking Jack and Pepsi. We had a nice chat and then I went to bed. I was supposed to work at Old Navy at 6:30 in the morning for a "mandatory" meeting. I woke up at 5:00 am will all intentions of going to the meeting. I turned on the shower and stood there for a few minutes and then went back to bed. I told my friend who is a manager there that my alarm didn't go off. But really it seemed dangerous to drive there when I literally didn't even open my eyes on the journey to the bathroom. So I woke up, went to the gym, attempted to watch about 20 different movies and waited by the phone. Now I think I'm gonna take another nap. And maybe change my blog around. I'm never happy with it. 

I think I wanna marry youuuu

I'm not really in the blogging mood, but I figured I should write about the wedding. 
It was a lot of fun! I thought that I was going to cry more, but those emotions of mine have a mind of their own. I probably, subconsciously, didn't want to break down in front of 100 people I didn't know.
Anyway, I had a bad experience getting my hair done. No one ever listens to me when they cut my hair. I've been living with this thin straw for 25 years, I know how it's going to end up. But nooooo, the lady insisted on using two cans of hairspray and she insured me that my hair would not fall. She would use so much hairspray my hair would look the same in two days. Needless to say, my hair was a flat mess by the time the photographer arrived at 11:30 to take pictures of Denise getting ready. There is a fine line between too much hairspray and not enough hairspray, and this woman was sitting comfortably on the "too much" end of the spectrum. Then we took the pictures, Vince almost lost the rings, we rode in a fancy ass limo, I awkwardly walked down the aisle with Eric and the only two pictures that the photographer got were of me pursing my lips and then one of me cracking up. So I hope that Denise and Vince burn those pictures. 
Then we had the ceremony and it was beautiful. Then Eric's mom drove 90% of the wedding party to the reception where I had a lot of rum and cokes and fell in the middle of the floor when I was dancing with the groom. No, not embarrassing. The food was good, the decorations were pretty and we did an awesome job of decorating Denise's car. 

Denise looked so pretty and I'm glad that they're happy! It was a long time coming and I can't wait to see their babies. That they better have lots of. Here are some of the pictures that I got:

It's a crying shame that I look horrible in every picture ever taken of me, but what can you really do?