Thursday, January 31, 2013

I'm missing your bed. I never sleep.


Alright, I had to get that out.
I'm done now.
I've been listening to Dashboard's The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most on a loop for roughly 2 weeks. I just have a lot of feelings and Chris Carrabba knows how to confront them. 

You know how my room has a new bed and I got a dresser? Well, my grandma is a neat freak and now she takes it upon herself to make my bed and clean my room and put my clothes away. I mean, thanks gram, I appreciate it a lot, but it's weird. I'm 24 years old. I realize that I live in your house rent free so you can basically do whatever you want in my room, but still. It's weird. I have issues with people being in my room, I always have. The one time my roommates and I decided we would be friends and we all sat on my bed and talked about God knows what, probably how my one roommate only wears clothes that are green and brown. Anyway, it was weird. I don't like people on my bed. This is why I'll never get married. Well, that among thousands of other reasons. 
Speaking of weddings. I have this bad habit of looking at engagement rings. Wishful thinking, I know. 

I want any of those. I would honestly be really pissed if someone proposed to me with a tiny ring. Just wait until you're rich to marry me. Lord knows I'll be on the poverty line the rest of my life if I stay in this field, so I'll need to marry rich.

Back to work again tomorrow. Another day another couple of dollars.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

You will be back someday and this awkward kiss that tells of other people's lips will be of service to keeping you away.

So I'm going back to work tonight. I've had 4 days off. Normally, I'd be ready to go back to work but I'm in a work slump right now and I'd like to get out of it. Blah blah blah.

I feel like I got a lot accomplished this weekend off. I shopped two days straight for tile and furniture. I put together a bed and a dresser. I went to the gym not once but twice. Watched about 14 episodes of Love It or List It and ate a crap ton of food. 

That's my bed, dresser and breakfast from this morning. 
I tried to be fancy and semi-healthy. 
I made a cute little dinner for tonight when I'm hating my life and yelling at children.

I guess I'm going to go to the gym. I need to start running again but I have no energy.

Monday, January 28, 2013

And when you broke my heart, there was nothing you could say. And I still loved you like mad, loved you like mad.

You know what's great?
Hall and Oates.
They've got a lot of gems. 

I watched two episodes of Girls today and they were both stupid. I don't understand the appeal of Hannah. Does she have any? She spent 90% of this one episode wearing a see-through shirt and booty shorts. You know how I feel about that. I'm going to complain about Hannah one more time. I just want a show that's realisitic. I'm going to write, produce and star in a comedy about a fat 24 year old girl that has no circle of best friends, no boyfriend she sends to jail, no bouts with cocaine, no fancy New York City apartment, no roommate/ex boyfriend. It would be about a girl who goes to work and goes home. Sit on Tumblr and eats too much food. Constantly paints her nails and watches Love It or List It. Sadly, that is my life. 
Would totally win some awards and the shows. 
The only good thing about this show is the music. 
I need some new music I can't find anything that I like. 
I'm bored.
I'm probably going to go sleep now because I was supposed to clean my room today so I could figure out where I'm going to fit my new dresser but...
yeah nap time.

marry me?

Sunday, January 27, 2013

see i can have me a good girl and still be addicted to them hood rats. see i just blame everything on you, at least you know that's what i'm good at.

Forgive me, loyal readers, it's been a few days.
I can't help that literally nothing goes on in my life. 

I think for 5 minutes that maybe something good is going to happen and then it gets pooped on. Literally. 
I'm also glad that good things are happening to people all around me.
Why is everyone getting their dream jobs right and left. 
Okay so only one person did, and not even a dream job, but still. 
Everyone I know is on the up and up and I'm just sitting here eating 3400 calories a day. 
I don't even remember what the gym looks like. 
I need my hair cut but I'm too lazy and I don't care one bit because no one looks at me. 
Remember when I used to be pretty?
Yeah, me either. 

I read that eating sweet potatoes and kale and stuff like that makes you more optimistic so I had a sweet potato for dinner. Here I sit pessimistic. I guess it didn't work. That was a honking sweet potato, too. 

Last night I went out to this bar on the North Side with Ellen and some girls from my sorority. Meh
Today and yesterday I spent a combined 17 hours shopping for tile (we're redoing the bathroom on the second floor) and going out to lunch with my uncle.
Can we talk about how amazing pizza from Buca is? It's amazing and the two of us almost ate the whole thing. 

I'm going to sleep now because it's 10:19 and I'm an 80 year old woman. I think that my goal in life is to try to find someone who I don't have to worry about if they're going to text me the next day. I'm talking about boys. And I'm tired of this shit and I don't need it. What good does making me feel like crap do for you? If you don't want to be with me, then don't talk to me. It's kind of black and white.
I should focus on someone who makes me happy but I'm not sure why or how. Except I can't.
I really wish that I could piece together different people and find someone who I actually have feelings for. I also wish that I could clone myself and hang out with myself because I'm awesome and no one likes the same things as me.

And this is the most depressing blog of 2013. I think it's less depressing than my 2012. 
At least I have a beautiful new car. 
yeah that's it.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

new car

So I did get my car but I didn't blog about it that night cause something happened.
I get it home, take my grandma for a spin and then I try to go out again and... it won't start.
I try about 13 times because I'm retarded and assume that I don't know how to start my car. The key is turning but it's not starting. Just a whole bunch of flashing lights. I call my uncle out because, again, I think I'm doing something wrong. So Jay comes out and the same nonsense. So we dig through the owners manual and I'm thinking because I was playing with all of the settings that somehow I set off some sort of anti-theft thing. 
So I frantically call the Honda dealer and try not to cry, because really, I bought this car less than 4 hours ago and it's already breaking down. I talk to the service place and they tell me that the battery is dead. Umm..what the heck. I JUST BOUGHT THIS CAR WHY IS THE BATTERY DEAD?  And then she tells me to call AAA. I don't have AAA but thankfully my gram does. I had my uncle try to jump my car but that didn't do anything so I called Honda back. They told me to call AAA cause they have a "special" way of doing it. They did. And they jumped my car. I drove it back to the Honda dealer and they changed my battery. 
And now my car works fine.
Fingers crossed.
The heated seats are everything I've ever wanted. 
I still have to get used to the whole V6 thing and having a car that has power. But it's not as bad as I imagine a sports car would be.


Friday, January 18, 2013

Tell her that I miss our little talks.

You know what I love? Yellow flowers. More specifically, yellow tulips. Or really any color tulip other than red. I hate all red flowers.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

And now I realize the joke is on me

I'm not really sure why my uncle isn't at work. Maybe he's sick which is unfortunate cause I was planning on getting my car tonight. He better feel better by then. But who knows. It could be a holiday I don't know about. It's not like that's never happened before. Ah, the perks of having a job that needs people there 24/7.
This whole not having a car thing has been both a burden and a blessing. I think you can figure out for yourselves why it's a burden. It's been a blessing because I have spent zero dollars other than gas this month. Oh well I bought some nuts at trader joes and some sucky primer. But other than that, I've saved a lot of money. And that's really what I need right now.

Remember that time I wrote about my Fresh Face Cupcake mask from Lush? Well it expired on New Year's Eve and I'm still using it. I'm not really sure what's going to happen because it's still effective and it doesn't smell spoiled. I love it and I like to get my money's worth. Or in this case, Ashleigh's money. It still works and I still have some left so I'm going to use it. I'm such a rebel.

I guess I'm going to walk to the library cause I have no idea where my grandma is.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

You used to love driving me wild

I feel like Mindy yet again. Stress barfing. While I don't feel particularly stressed, I've been gagging for about a month. It just keeps happening. I know it's from the mass amounts of coffee I drink cause it only happens when I'm drinking coffee.

Im at the doctors with my grandma, not because she's incapable of driving herself, but because she needs to go to the DMV with me. I can't get my car until I'm a PA resident. So I have to pay 30 dollars to get the license and then another 30 for the fine because I've been living in PA for 2 years and 7 months, no thang. But technically I've been living here since 2006. Wow I'm so old.
Do you want me to go into a diatribe about how old I am?

The kids think I'm in my 30's. that doesn't really bother me cause I've been told worse. One time when I was like 19, Ashleigh and I went to visit my mom at work (she's a teacher) and one of her kids thought I was Ashleigh's mom. I hate kids so much. Why did I think I wanted to teach?
On that note, I was thinking yesterday and some people are really born to teach. We have to go to school with the kids and basically sit in class and yell at the bad ones all day. But yesterday I was in a class with all of the well-behaved older kids. So I sat in a chair for 7 hours bored out of my mind and I didn't have to redirect anyone. I needed to yell at someone so when we got back to the unit, I screamed at all of the kids for no reason and no one yelled back. When I told them they had to get out of the tv lounge and go to their rooms I was steeling myself for some yelling and restraints. But every single one of them got up and went to their rooms without protest. I was really in the twilight zone yesterday. You're probably asking yourself "what the hell is your job?" Asking myself the same thing.

This is the doctors appointment that never ends. It's been 42 minutes what the hell are you doing grandma!?
Oh she's done.

Monday, January 14, 2013

i only want to date people who want to date me because that's called self respect.

I'm not sure why I'm so annoyed by Girls now. The HBO series, you know?
Please don't judge me and label me as one of "those people", but it's sort of annoying now that everyone watches it. I don't care that it's popular, just that it's everywhere. I started watching it at the pilot and I didn't think it was that great, but I thought that I was going to be able to relate to Hannah because she's chubby, she has no job, she's not pretty and nothing really works out for her. We're the same age so I thought I'd love this show. I was into the way she dressed and I liked her dry sense of humor. Now I think she dresses like a 19 year old and she's so self absorbed it's boring. Now I just find her annoying. I only like strong female characters and Hannah is not one of them. She swoons over Adam too much and she feels things too openly. Also, no offense, Hannah... I'm obviously a fan of chubby girls, but I don't want to see you naked in every episode.
I honestly only like Marnie. She dresses well and she's pretty. And she's not really petty. That Shoshanna girl is horrible and she talks too much and she's so desperate to be like everyone else it's obnoxious. And so is Jemia or whatever her name is. This gay guy that Hannah used to date but turned out gay is also horrible. The one thing I do like about this show is the music. I didn't know Vampire Weekend did a cover of Springsteen's "I'm Goin Down". Download and obsessing.
Anyway, I'm writing this because I'm watching the first episode of season 2 and eh. 
But Adam said something in the season 1 finale that I could relate to:
"You chase me like I'm The Beatles for 6 months and then I finally get comfortable and you shrug?"
That sums it up. 

And now I have to get ready for work. I got punched twice last night. Oh dear I love my job.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

why don't you love me? tell me why don't you love me?

I was on Tumblr and I found this. 
I can't make it because this week I'm trying to lose weight, but someone else should. Also, I don't like sugar cookies or Oreos but this looks amazing: Sugar Cookie-Covered Oreos

I also should have worked out today. The weather is pretty nice. A little too hot for me. I like to gradually ease into weather extremes. I mean it's like 60, but still. It doesn't even feel like winter. I can only say that I've been  "freezing" two or three times this winter. I guess I don't care as long as there isn't snow. About 96% of the snow from New Year's is gone. So that's a good thing.

Friday, January 11, 2013

like some kind of madness was taking control.

I've been forced to listen to the radio ever since I got back to Pittsburgh because my grandma doesn't have a cassette deck in her car and that means I can't listen to my iPod. So I have the radio. The only music that I ever hear is, honestly, Bruno Mars or Taylor Swift. Those two have about 13 singles out each. How does one do that? But it's annoying. I like that Maroon 5 song, "One More Night" because I can relate to it, and I've always liked Maroon 5. Everything else out there is Ke$ha, or sounds like Ke$ha. So Last night I heard "Madness" by Muse. I never thought I liked Muse just because their name sounds so heavy metal to me. But I love this song:

Anyway, I'm still freaking out about money. I started to look for other jobs, I just need to apply to them. Not like I'd get a new job because, come on, this is my life. Work just called and asked if I wanted to stay after my shift tomorrow and take kids to see Sesame Street on ice. No. I honestly don't care that it would be like 7 hours of overtime. I feel like an asshole saying no, but my least favorite kid is sure to be the one I'd take. And ain't nobody got patience for that. Also, I don't want to watch a bunch of over-sized puppets skate around on ice. Nor do I want to drive a van full of children and probably get stuck in traffic with them. So, as much as I need the money right now, I'll go sell my body before I do that. I'm so mean. Now I feel bad. But whatever. I have to buy my car tomorrow. Fingers crossed.
I'm just so stressed about money. I hate being poor. I need to go hibernate and cry and not come out for 6 months until all of my bills are gone.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

I think I've had enough of this.

I probably would have done really well in a Hunter-Gatherer Society. I say that because as I wandered around the frozen tundra that is my kitchen, at first glance one would assume there is no food other than frozen meat. I foraged and found about 95 biscotti's. Ain't that a win-win. I like to eat at night. I think that's a problem. I also like to eat when I'm stressed, angry, upset...hell, I like to eat when I'm happy. What I mean by this is that I wish that I was the type of person who lost their appetite when they had feelings. My roommate in college, Lisa, had the unfortunate drama of having her boyfriend break up with her one winter (don't fret they're engaged now). She was devastated to the point where she didn't eat for a week and when I brought her a cookie she declined. I was a Mrs. Fields cookie and I even offered to microwave it in our hand-me-down microwave. That was actually probably one of the nicest things I've ever done.

This whole car ordeal is starting to depress me. I'm trying to stay hopeful but it's really hard to stay positive in a room full of negatives. The only negative that I'm having is the sudden shock that I'm poor. Also, my credit card bill for December nearly surpassed what I make a month. So I'm a little shaken up about that one. And then to look at my student loan debt and it's really enough to hate my life even more than I already do. Once I buy this new car it'll be like I'm in college again, basically living paycheck to paycheck. I'm just going to chalk this empirical bill up to experience, smack myself on the wrists and move on to not spending as much next month. So sorry though, guys. I know you don't want to know about this. 

What else can I talk about?
Oh. I went car shopping again tonight. I found the car I want at what I assume is the best deal I'm going to be able to find. I just want this car so badly. It's not the Acura that I originally wanted, but it's a step down. Whatever, it's not like I ever get what I want but everything has a way of working itself out. Anyway, this guy hated my uncle. He basically called Jay rude. YOU'RE NOT A VERY GOOD SALESMAN, DUDE. Whatever. I'm sure I'll end up taking the goddamn bus. 

In book news, I started reading Wicked  and I'm not sure why I didn't finish reading it in college when Lauren gave it to me. It's really good. It has its boring parts, but for the most part it's pretty good. It's what I expected but a little better. I read the first 100 or so pages when I got the book but then quickly lost interest. I thought it was going to take me a few weeks to finish it since I read like a retarded 3rd grader, but I only have 100 pages left and I've only been seriously reading it for a week. Keep in mind the book only has 400 pages, but they're rather large. I got the second book in the series from the library today. I'm a little overzealous since I have the 4th Dexter book to read. Books are just like crack though. I've gotta read them all. Or is that Pokemon?  

In music news, I'm obsessed with that Pink song "Blow Me (One Last Kiss)". It's a very catchy song. And, I hate to admit it, is very quotable at the moment. Eek. I got the Of Monsters and Men CD as well. But, meh.
Oh God *screams in Big Sean's voice*

Sunday, January 6, 2013

boy, you ain't a poet, just a drunk with a pen.

I just went to make some coffee but the coffee maker is broken. 
I went to drive my car and it broke down in the middle of i70. 
I went to not hate my life but my life decided to not let me have a break. 

I was thinking that I wanted a new car the whole first 3 hours of the trip to Maryland and then God granted me a new car. Of course it's at my expense, but still. When I got home I told Ashleigh I wanted some Yeungling and my dad walks in the door with a case of it. I'm hoping this is a pattern. Here I am saying publicly that I want a new job. Also, while I'm at it, a boyfriend. One that doesn't suck this time. Thank you. And I guess why I'm asking for things, I need a new coffee pot. But that's a given. 

Well, here's the story of my car breaking down...

We're driving along route 70 like nothing is wrong. Ashleigh taking pictures of the snow from my phone.

Then all of the sudden I hear this popping noise and we start to slow down. I heard this sound like a petering out sound that a popped tire makes, so I assumed that was the problem. I pull over (thank god it was still early and there wasn't any traffic so I didn't have a problem getting over) on the side of the road and got out. I looked at the tires and they were all fine so I had Ashleigh start the car. But it didn't turn over or whatever the term is. So then I called my dad freaking out and he's like "call a tow truck" and I can't do anything myself so and neither can Ashleigh so we sat there in panic for 5 minutes while my dad tried to figure out our State Farm Roadside Assistance plan phone number. Thankfully a random state safety patrol guy pulled up behind us and called us a tow. When the tow truck got there 45 minutes later he awkwardly made us get into the cab of his truck while he put the Rav on the bed. 

He had some really loud music coming from his radio and he was missing about 14 teeth. He looked at my car on the side of the road and was really grim, saying "this doesn't look good". Thanks for the faith, buddy. But he drove us to the body shop where the mechanic took one look at my car and the 3 gallons of liquid leaking from it and said that it was dead. To this day I'm still not sure what happened to it. The timing belt broke and popped some valves that dropped into the engine? Well whatever it was, it means I need to get a new car. So we called Lauren and she wouldn't come get us. So I had to spend, when it comes down to it, 150 dollars in rental car charges and fees and gas and whatnot. $150 to drive an hour and a half. Sounds like a good deal to me. Ashleigh was going to get the rental because there is a $15 charge if you're under 25 but of course her credit card expired or something. So I had to shell that out. The guy from Enterprise was so nice. So were the people in the garage. They were all so nice. I think that everyone helping me out in his situation (except you, Avis rentals) were so incredibly nice. So is my grandma for letting me drive her car to work so I don't have to spend 500 on a rental to get to work. 
When I went back to get the tags from dear old Rav, I had a mini funeral.
That's the last we'll ever see of it. R.I.P

 I thought about building a pyre and committing suttee, but I decided against that because the Rav is not my husband I don't have dreams of burning to death.  But it was really hard to see it go. I've been driving that car since I was 16. That's a long ass time. It's the only car I've ever had. I never particularly liked it other than the fact that it's a Toyota and it ran and ran and ran without maintenance. I guess we should have gotten the timing belt changed, cause I'm assuming we got it changed around 100,000 miles like you're supposed to. The Rav was at 206,275.Why didn't someone remind me to get the timing belt changed. Until last year I didn't even know a timing belt was a thing. Really though,since I usurped the car from my sister in 2010, I haven't had any maintenance done to it. I had my uncle change the breaks cause he basically forced me into it and I had the oil changed maybe twice a year. Maybe. And most of those changes were when my dad just did it for me when I drove home to Maryland. 
Anyway, I still remember the first day we bought that baby. I wasn't a part of the car picking process. Thank god, though. The one time my parents took me out car shopping I had my heart set on them buying an orange Amigo with a soft top like a Jeep. This was apparently my dream car in 1998:

 Thank the Lord we went with the Rav4. Why do I remember that? Then one day my parents left us alone in the house and when I looked out the window, there was the 1999 Toyota Rav4 sitting in our snow covered driveway. I don't know why I have such a vivid memory of this. I was there during the process of purchasing the Pacifica, but I don't remember that at all and I think I was a senior in high school when we bought that I think. I loved that car. It only had one accident, until it broke down it was only on a tow truck once. It died a couple of times in 2008 but it's a survivor and made it through that. It lived through getting busted up by a Ford f250 driven by some asshole named Dominic in 2009. It survived me scraping the entire right side off a mailbox in 2006 when I was just trying to go to my friend's house to have an O.C party. In 2005, we spun on some ice on the way to school, the Rav did a 180 and we crashed into a pole. Who knows how many smelly boys Lauren had in that car in her high school years. It endured the smells of soccer practice, Meeko peeing in it, Quizno's, mud, countless bags of chips, 3,000 + car fresheners, and it still stunk when I gave it away. I was so embarrassed of that car, but look at all it's been through.

I was supposed to get a car from my mom's brother...
Let me tell you that story.
So my mom says "Rick says he has a car you can drive when you get up there that Blake (his son) can't drive yet because his grades aren't good enough". Any rational human being like myself would assume this means that once I get back to Pittsburgh I will have a car available to drive. So I'm taking back the rental car to Avis and I call my mom's mom who lives with my uncle. She says that they have to transfer the title and it's going to be like a week before I can get this car. Whoa whoa whoa...You don't need to transfer the title I'm not having this car for months at a time, maybe a week or two. I'm a good driver. Never been in an accident. What's going on. I call my mom. She calls my GoGo. My mom calls back and says that Rick hasn't even bought the car yet and we have to buy it from this shady place that he was going to get the car. That he was going to get the car. As in he hasn't even bought it yet. So basically we have to spend 800 dollars (how he got a 2002 for that cheap, I don't know...) and buy my cousin a car cause Lord knows we'll never see that money again. I'm not going to go through all that trouble so I told my mom to forget it. This is ridiculous. I greatly appreciate your generosity, but I can't do that. I'm not making my parents spend all of that money they don't have when I doubt they'll make my uncle pay them back. And what are the odds that Blake will ever get his grades good enough to earn a car? I'm assuming that he'll have enough of his own money at that point. Somewhere around 2019. So then I'd get stuck with a stupid Dodge Neon that I don't want to drive. 

Anyway, this blog is getting long. But don't fear, I have more. 

I went to test drive cars yesterday. I think I've settled on a Honda Accord. Probably a 2008 or something. But I stupidly drove a 2010 Accord with basically everything that you could imagine a car having. Leather seats, traction control, stability something, sunroof, xm radio, blah something, blah something, something that I don't understand and a v6 engine. I thought that I was in heaven. I felt so comfortable in that car and the drive was so silent and smooth I wasn't even sure if I was the one who was driving. This car was black, too. That's what I'm looking for. I thought that I died and went to heaven. And then I calculated the payments on my phone and I cried. In normal people money terms it's not that bad. But in Kristen's salary + 400 dollar a month student loan payments it's really not an option. Then I drove a CR-V cause, hey, it's a lot like the Rav. I hated that car. I think I drove a 2010 CR-V and that was sort of what I was planning on getting since I've given up this dream of the Acura TL cause I can't find one that fits my needs. It was exactly like driving the Rav. I felt like I was going to blow off the road. It was a nice size. I liked being higher up than other cars. But the drive was horrible. I felt every bump, every turn, every movement of the car. I heard all the sounds of the engine. It was cold and uninviting. I felt like it really didn't want to be driven. There was a lot of excess space around my legs and in-between me and the worlds least pushy car salesmen. So I should probably drive some other cars, but that Accord was honestly amazing. I actually enjoyed driving a car. I didn't think that would be possible. I didn't really drive it on a highway or anything, so I need to drive a cheaper model. Maybe a 2008. 

I'll probably end up with a 2002 Dodge Neon that we're buying off the Black Market from my uncles friend. This is my life and nothing ever really works out the way I want it. My life always works out, just not in the most advantageous way.

In music news, I got the Christina Aguilera CD because I liked that song that she sang with Blake Shelton and the first time I listened to it I was just like "eh this sucks". But now I can't stop listening to this song, "Circles". I love me some autotune like nobody's business. My favorite part of the Cruel Summer
 album is in "Cold" when Ye says "Lucky I ain't have Jay drop him from the team".
Jamie, Ashleigh and I spent the whole 5 days together listening to the Cruel Summer album. I