Sunday, September 30, 2012

All I want right now is affection

First off, call me a loser but I'm really enjoying the newest AAR cd. Like I really love it. Brings me back.

Secondly, I was just informed that the Quiznos on 235 aka my first job and my second favorite job CLOSED DOWN. I'm mad a. That no one told me and b. THAT ANOTHER QUIZNOS IS CLOSED. Those things are like endangered species and need to be caged in zoos or have rich people fundraise to keep them running. Poachers. Dear God. Leave my sandwich shop alone. They use real meat. Maybe that's why.

Thirdly, I realize this is totally cliche, but I was born in the wrong decade. Right century at least. I should've lived my prime in the 80's or the 70's. I like to think that I would've been a kick ass flapper, but I have no rebellious side. Also, I'm about 50 pounds overweight.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

oh hi, you know you love these...?

  • 1.Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? 
    • well, duh. 
  • 2.When did your last hug take place? 
    • yesterday in my car. 
  • 3.Are you a jealous person? 
    • extremely. like everyone else. 
  • 4.Are you tired right now? 
    • always tired. 
  • 5.Do you chew on your straws?
    • that i do. 
  • 6.Have you ever been called a tease? 
    • probably my middle name by this point. 
  • 7.Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? 
    • no way. not cool enough. 
  • 8.Do you cry easily? 
    • hardly. 
  • 9.What should you be doing right now? 
    • this is fine. i've got no plans. i do need to eat though. all i've had today was a half a piece of pizza. 
  • 10.Are you a heavy sleeper? 
    • once i'm asleep, yes. 
  • 11.Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months? 
    • yeah.
  • 12.Are you mad at someone right now? 
    • some weird version of anger, yes. 
  • 13.Do you believe in love? 
    • bah. 
  • 14.What makes you laugh no matter what? 
    • myself. i think i'm hilarious. 
  • 15.Who was the last person you talked to? 
    • my uncle. who better take me out to dinner since my grandma mad breakfast for dinner which i refuse to eat. 
  • 16.Do you get butterflies around the person you like? 
    • of course i have no one to like. i get bright red and stutter around hot guys, but that's it. 
  • 17.Will you get married? 
    • doubtful. 
  • 18.When was the last time you smiled? 
    • probably yesterday. 
  • 19.Does anyone like you? 
    • no omg stop reminding me you stupid survey. 
  • 20.Do you secretly like someone? 
    • nope. it's pretty out in the open how i feel. 
  • 21.Who was the first person you talked to today?
    • my grandma. 
  • 22.Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? 
    • ummm i'm not sure. i can talk to different people about different things. can't tell one specific person everything. 
  • 23.What are you NOT looking forward to? 
    • they day i break down and text fuckface about how mad i am. 
  • 24.What ARE you looking forward to? 
    • soup. 
  • 25.Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it? 
    • no. 
  • 26.Suppose you see your ex kissing another person what would you do? 
    • it's happened. i wasn't happy, obviously. 
  • 27.Do you plan on moving out within the next year? 
    •  i always plan on moving out but i never will.
  • 28.Are you a forgiving person? 
    • unfortunately. 
  • 29.How many TRUE friends do you have? 
    • a lot. i like them all. and i trust everyone i hang out with now. 
  • 30.Do you fall for people easily? 
    • no. not until they stop liking me. and even then i hardly care except that they don't like me anymore. 
  • 31.Have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend? 
    • no. but he is pretty hot. 
  • 32.What’s the last thing you put in your mouth? 
    • pizza. 
  • 33.Who was the last person you drove with? 
    • patty. 
  • 34.How late did you stay up last night and why? 
    • about 330. i couldn't sleep. 
  • 35.If you could move somewhere else, would you? 
    • in a heartbeat. 
  • 36.Who was the last person you took a picture of? 
    • myself and greg. 
  • 37.Can you live a day without TV? 
    • sure. i could live a long time without it if i had to. 
  • 38.When was the last time you were extremely disappointed? 
    • september 18th at about 1030pm.  and then again on september 21st at 9:04pm
  • 39.Three names you go by.. 
    • kristen, kristen,kwisten (my favorite kid can't say my name)
  • 40.Are you currently in a relationship? 
    • fahhhhhhhh
  • 41.What is your all-time favorite romance movie? 
    • when harry met sally and gone with the wind. 
  • 42.Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate? 
    • no.
  • 43.What’s your current problem?
    • i hate someone, yet i still want to be with them and i'm fat and i'm bored and i want someone to take me to dinner and get me some friggin' soup. 
  • 44.Have you ever had your heart broken? 
    • not really. 
  • 45.Your thoughts of long distance relationships? 
    • more power to you if you can make it work. 
  • 46.How many kids do you want to have? 
    • 4 of 5 but i'll never get married so none. 
  • 47.Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them? 
    • i never do. 

annnnnd i hope you liked my hate. i'm so bored and as you read, i want soup. 

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

I don't know what day it is cause I've been up all night.

So, this is "Up All Night" by Best Coast and I don't really like many of their songs (at least not now) but this song is seriously the best song ever. After their cover of "Storms" by FM, obviously. I just got The Only Place from the library. I've had the newest album, Crazy For You for a while now and it sounds like they recorded it in my basement with my iPhone. Maybe it's just me. I'm sure I would've loved it in 2008 when I was faux-indie and I spent all of my time trying to find other indie bands like I was some sort of indie-rock detective. 

Anyway, just give this a listen. It's a nice hiatus for me from the Cruel Summer album. 
I'll post the lyrics and you can listen and read at the same time and you'll be forced to agree that it's been the story of your life at least once or twice.

You and me
Too good to be
Too true to be
Too dumb to see

Where I live
And where you live
Are not the same
We're not to blame
It's too crazy
And far to hard
And way to lazy to make it work
So here I am
I'm still alone
I'm still awake
I'm still afraid

I don't know what day it is
Because I've been up all night
I don't know what week it is
Because I've been up all night
I want to see you
I want to see you
I want to see you
I want to see you
Forever and ever
Forever and ever
Forever and ever

You and me
Too good to be
Too true to be
Too dumb to see

Where I live
And where you live
Are not the same
We're not to blame

Now you're of in another town
With another girl
Just sittin around
I'm still here
I'm still alone
I'm still awake
I'm still afraid

I don't know what day it is
Because I've been up all night
I don't know what week it is
Because I've been up all night
I want to see you
I want to see you
I want to see you
I want to see you
Forever and ever
Forever and ever
Forever and ever

You left me here alone.
You left me here in the cold.
You left me here by the sea
Oh well now all I wish I could see
Is you and me.

I don't know what day it is
Because I've been up all night
I don't know what week it is
Because I've been up all night
I want to see you
I want to see you
I want to see you
I want to see you
Forever and ever
Forever and ever
Forever and ever


It's super simple, but that's why I like it.

Everything I do I need a news crew's presence

Just chillin' in sweatpants, lots of make up on. That's when I'm the prettiest, nah I won't take it wrong. Don't worry. 
Please note my new bag that I got from VS. I also got a sports bra from there and it's horrible. I think it's nice cause I can wear tank tops with it. I hate when sports bras say that they're good for "Maximum Support" and then I can't even run without my boobs flopping around. I like to be locked and loaded. Maybe it's just me. I think this bra might be a size too big but I'm not sure. It's the same size I normally wear so who knows. Anyway, it sucks and I'm mad I paid so much for it. I should just stick to the ones I know.
More pictures of what I wear to work. But you know, I threw suicides on the private jet. You know what that mean, I'm fly to death.
Some pictures of Gregory being the only man for me. And I just realized as I was creepily sending Jamie all of these pictures that it's sort of creepy that I'm 24, have a college degree and a full time job and I still sleep with a stuffed penguin. And then I laugh and think it's awesome. 
And then I'm bikin' and drankin coffee and reminding myself that I'm alone and everyone else is okay with out meeeeeee. 

Off to they gym to attempt to burn of 12% of the calories that I ate today at Sesame Inn. 
Oh and that Pumpkin Spice Frapp. 
And those two hours I sat with Patty making fun of people walking by us...
I hate myself so I gotta hate everyone else to make myself feel better. 
Oh life.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

It's funny how they wait till you're gone just to miss ya

Oh happy day.
I'm trying to be positive until I have to go get beaten to a pulp in an hour. Do you want to see how stylish I am at work? Also, this heart tissue paper is adorbs. I'm going to spend my free time tonight pintrest-ing tissue paper crafts. Also, also... I honestly think that "Storms" by Fleetwood Mac is quite possibly the best song ever written/sung. And that says a lot with how much I love Mr. West.

Monday, September 24, 2012

I hate when you really want to talk to someone but they don't care. Or exist anymore

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Anatomy of a "yes"

I hardly ever say "yes" but when I do I'm usually either sort of annoyed or talking to someone born outside before 1983.

"Yeah" this is my go-to I'm in a perfectly good mood here's the answer to your question yeah we can meet in ten yeah you can eat the cake etc.

"Yea" I'm about ten seconds away from dropping the "a" and screaming in your face. You're getting on my last nerve but I'm still trying to be civil so you're lucky.

"Ya" you're done. Don't talk to me. I don't think words can explain how pissed off I am right now. You better get your razor ready cause the next words that I text will probably be "you can go shave your back now".

And that's just me.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

You want to check into the heartbreak hotel but sorry we're closed

You know when you have really bad cramps and you can't fall asleep cause no matter what you do they won't stop. Yeah
That's what's happening to my mind right now.
I've never been physically sick before by something that's happened. I also don't know why it's bothering me so much. Well I do but it hardly makes sense. I just feel like I should be respected a little more. Maybe get an apology or some sort of explanation. I mean were you seriously going to sit around and wait for me to find out? Or pretend like it never happened and let me go on until I get over it thinking that you're sort of decent? Probably the latter.
I need to get a piñata so I can smash something.
I mean REALLY. SERIOUSfuckingLY. You can go shave your back now.
I really wish that someone would love me as much as I love Kanye's music, by the way.
And also, I have my favorite residents voice in my head. Like as I'm typing this it's her voice saying it. Clearly I'm past the point of insanity.
16 hour shift tomorrow. It's 2 am. I need to sleep. Well it's 3pm to 7 am so sucks.

If I am the joke, then you're the punch line pt. 4

Sort of healthy: lunch
Sort of in a good mood: me

never have i been a blue calm sea. i have always been a storm.

After all of my readings this week I can't get:
Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul.
out of my head.  

screw you.
Francine Glass

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

I can't help it I'm popular

So there are things that give me weird anxieties. These are not pet peeves. I am literally gasping for air on the inside when I see this kind of stuff going down:
1. White socks- people don't believe me but I really can't stand the sight of people in white socks. It just distorts their feet in this weird way that I honestly can't handle.
2. When people spell "woah". That's not right to me and the letters are in this weird order that freaks me out. If you're talking to me, it must be "whoa" or I will think so much less of you.
3. Whistling- this used to be a pet peeve but now when I hear people doing this I become a crazed person in my mind.
4. I don't know jack about grammar and where to put commas but I want to murder people that say "your" when they mean "you're".

I told Jay I was doing a song with Coldplay. Next thing you he's got a song with Coldplay

I don't think you can possibly understand how happy I am to go back to work. How sad is that? I hate sitting around. Just worked out like crazy. Trying not to eat too much. Stick to whatever semblance of a diet I'm trying out here.
I'm still really mad. Not mad enough to cry. But you know my motto, I'd rather be mad than sad. Now I'll never be sad about this situation again. Just mad. 
I have this whole speech set up in my mind. Like I have it down to the words that I'd say. In my mind, whenever I'm mad at someone, I always imagine saluting them. Like that's the ultimate way to piss someone off. I can't stand the middle finger, you know that. It's so juvenile and needs to stop. But a salute? Awesome. I'd never do it just like I'd never use my middle finger to solve an argument.

And while I'm at it, this whole "ignorance is bliss" nonsense. I hate it. I'd much rather know. I'd rather know that you're literally the biggest piece of sum on planet earth. I hate that I thought that I did something wrong and I believed your stupid lies like my inability to express myself was the reason we didn't work out. Not the case. You're just like everyone else. And I realize that my statement is such a cliche. Well, whatever. 

You know what I've realized recently? Whenever I'm really upset I just read like I can't ever get enough. I don't really read like a crazy person when I'm not sad. It's honestly the perfect escape. I love to read about fictitious lives of people who are handling it, but aren't really handling it. I like the escapism. But hey, that's how I came across some of my favorite books...A Clockwork Orange, The Princess Bride, Valley of the Dolls, etc. I guess it's better than going crazy and writing a trilogy of blogs about how much I can't stand you, Tumbert Tumbert.

And I'll be over it in a few days. 
All is well. 
But until then, I'll just get all of the rude remarks that I can. I'm not creative so it's hard to think of witty comebacks about how much of a desperate, disgusting, perverted asshole you really are. Until then, I'll just play that clip in my mind in The Grinch with Jim Carey when he's sorting mail and he says "hate, hate hate. hate, hate, hate. Loathe entirely". Because I hate, hate, hate everyone else. You get the idea.

Well. Whatever.
In other news, I totally felt like Kramer in the episode of Seinfeld where he has this obsession with putting on his clothes directly out of the dryer. He goes crazy. That's how I felt today. Every time a load was done, I'd put something else on. I love that warm feeling and it always smells so good.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Just been waiting to explode.

Ever since Mark, I've been cursed with only dating guys that want to have sex. Now I know what you're all thinking "you're preaching to the choir, Kristen", but with my M.O that doesn't really pan out. Guys are assholes, if you weren't aware.
Maybe it's my fault. I don't know. I'm obviously doing something wrong because I'm not joining Christian singles clubs or frequenting church basement praise the lord groups.
Maybe it's my fault because I can't say no. But really what am I supposed to do when I'm basically being held against my will in your apartment and then you attack me. I always hope that my body language will discourage this type of behavior. Sitting as far away from you as possible. Throwing up for two hours because I had to get so drunk in order to be around you. Physically shuttering when you're leaning over me in a bar telling me how much you like me. Ignoring you when you try to hold my hand because really all I want to do is watch Dexter in peace. The list goes on. And on.
So it's probably my fault. I get that. I shouldn't have done what I've done. I'm sorry I was with someone else. I'm sorry I never liked you. I'm sorry that I called you fat. You are fat because I hate you and I hate you because you're fat. But I guess karma always finds its way back to me.
I'm assuming that someone nice is out there. But I'm seriously starting to doubt it.
If it's not one thing, it's another. You either have a foot fetish or you like underage girls. I can't win.
There will always be someone prettier and younger aka more willing to put out. And, ladies, that is a fact of life.
These other girls, however, are not better than you. I don't really have a lifetime of knowledge but I've been told by many an asshole that I'm awesome and beautiful. But I honestly don't need some fat, snoring, horrible kisser to tell me these things.
I can feel like crap on my own, thank you very much.
It's knowing that I won that makes everything okay. That you don't know what I did. That I never liked you. That you seriously had to use a dictionary when I talked to you. When you say things like "I watch the Disney channel". When you don't even have a license and we're 18. When you get kicked out of your house and actually have the audacity to ask to stay with me. When you wear pajama pants and white socks. When you seriously watch 2 complete seasons of Gossip Girl with me and don't get rewarded. When you get kicked out of college. When the girl you leave me for makes a mockery of your stupidity.
You know what I have to say?
And what's most importantly... I ain't gotta fuck wit Ray Ray's broke ass no mo'

Sorry for the profanity.

Go and use that fake necktie as a noose.

P.s I'm awesome.

write it in bold letters.

That's just kinda what I've been doing lately. 
And now I'm hungry again.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

So many watches I need eight arms

I'm reading Cosmo right now and there are all of these articles about how sucky men are and what they do wrong. I'm starting to find it disturbing that all of the things that men do wrong, I do. I never make plans, I give THE worst presents, I refuse to cook and I hate all of their friends.

Oh well

Sunday, September 9, 2012

One more thing

Well, two things:

1. I don't particularly care for Obama's politics, but he's an awesome man. He is a great husband and a really good dad. I love the relationship that he has with Michelle. He's an eloquent speaker and I think he's smart. I think that's pretty awesome that I think that as well, not to toot my own horn. Seems very American of me.

2. I'm really getting tired of all of this life was so much better in the 90's nonsense. If you lived through the 90's then you're already aware of this. But come on. Do we remember dial up?

One of these days I'll be born and raised.

 So, a really long time ago (aka 306 days ago) I got the bright idea to remind myself to "make good choices". I failed at that, but I'm too lazy to take this reminder off my phone. Every morning at 9:00 am I am reminded that I am a failure at life.
 That's Steph up top and Maddy on the right.
 Pardon my ugliness. Oh wow it's full force.
And this is me molesting the birthday girl.

I don't remember about 80% of these pictures, but that's okay because I'm pretty sure I had fun. The next morning we went to Pamela's Diner for breakfast. Mmm college life. 

Man oh man, I can't wait to get rid of this blond. I don't like it. Some angles I like it and most of the time I think I look uglier than necessary. But I guess it was fun while it lasted. Blondes don't really have more fun. I never really have fun, so that could be my fault. 

Again, I haven't been doing anything lately. Just drinking a lot of coffee and yellowing my teeth. Being bored out of my mind and making horrible choices. My stomach is always hurting. I slept on my hand all funky on Friday night and it hurts still. My neck hurts from being in an awkward position while I was in a restraint and I'm super scratched up from this one kid at work. Just another day I guess.

Monday, September 3, 2012

The other girl is not like me, she's prettier and skinnier

Well that's a fallacy.

 Okay, so this blog is about to get pretty detailed about both John Mayer and Holden Caulfield so if you don't have any feelings for them (i.e have never read the best book ever written or don't listen to the greatest singer/songwriter of our generation) then don't read this post. First off, for those of you who continued to read on and haven't read Catcher in the Rye, here's a quote that I'm going to try to relate to my job. And explain how I am the Catcher in the Rye... 

"Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be."

See, Holden just stands on a cliff and catches children from falling to, what I assume would be, their death. At work, I catch children mid-air from landing on one another and killing their peers. That's all I do all day. That and sit on a couch and tweet. These kids are running and not looking where they are going. So I don't have a way with words, but does that make sense to anyone? I was trying to explain it to Jamie. I have no idea what he actually meant because I'm no English major, but I like to interpret that he has no idea what he wants out of life (me) but it's nice to know that someone needs you and that you're making a difference in someone's life (me). Also, he wants to do something extremely impractical (me), but that's just what he wants to do. 

I think another of my favorite quotes (okay, everything he says is perfect):

“I'm the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It's awful. If I'm on my way to the store to buy a magazine, even, and somebody asks me where I'm going, I'm liable to say I'm going to the opera. It's terrible.”
I love a good lie. I mean, who doesn't? I lie about everything. 

"If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a damn if she's late?"

This is just what I expect my future boyfriends to say. I mean, I'll look horrible, but if I spent any second getting ready for you, then you better friggin' appreciate it since it hardly ever happens.
Okay, enough of my imaginary future husband and on to my real life husband:

This new CD is still making me very happy. I think the whole thing just has a very positive outlook. It's nice to have a whole CD that isn't about breaking up or being in love with someone who doesn't love you back. Or wanting a specific person. It's not about not knowing what you want out of life or hating anything. Maybe part of it's about being in love. Maybe with himself, music, life, friends, a girl (hopefully not). It's a whole album about hope and positivity. Which I obviously need in my life right now. It's nice to know that he's finally figured everything out. It's sort of refreshing. I also like it because it's kind of getting back to his roots. I think my favorite quote from the whole album was my last blog post "little by little, inch by inch, we built a yard with a garden in the middle of it". It reminds me of the "Homelife" era. Like you don't have a lot to start with, but you're in love and everything is good and you have what you need. It's not a much, but it's all you need. And I'm super jealous of that. I mean, who doesn't want that. And hearing him sing it is just amazing. I often think that if I could just bottle him and carry him around in my purse, everything would be better. I could open it up and he could sing to me when I needed it the most. I just smile the whole time I'm listening to this album. 
The second best song is "Walt Grace's Submarine Test, January 1967". At first when I was casually listening to it, I thought it was about suicide or something. Excuse the darkness, but I don't know, I was hardly listening to it, just thinking. It's not about that at all. It's about a man who hated his life so he freakin' changed it. He spent all of these hours reading library books and in his garage building a friggin' submarine. His wife told his kids he was crazy and his friends said he'd fail if he tried. But he built it and put it in the ocean and then the next thing you know, Walt is calling his bitchy wife from Tokyo saying that he arrived on the other side of the world. If that's not the happiest story you've heard in a while, then I don't know what's wrong with you. It's probably the strangest song that John Mayer has ever written, but it's perfect. Just perfect. 

And with this album, I've been youtubing a lot and I can't stop listening to "Edge of Desire" which is maybe one of my favorite songs by him. It didn't really used to be because, come on, it was on Battle Studies and it's common knowledge that that is the worst album. Maybe that's mean. Not his worst album, just the most different. Anyway, "Edge of Desire" is probably one of the most vulnerable songs he's ever written or that has ever been written. I mean, he did have "Split Screen Sadness" which was sort of in the same vein, but Edge is better, older and more penetrating:

Don't say a word, just come over and lie here with me  
'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see  
I want you so bad, I'll go back on the things I believe  
There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me

That's my favorite verse I think maybe that he ever wrote. 
I have so many more opinions, but I'm sure I've bored you to death with this post anyway, so I'll save it for later.  

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Little by little, inch by inch, we built a yard with a garden in the middle of it

I'm still lovin on Mr. Mayer. This cd is getting better the more I listen.
The other day when the kids were eating and one of them microwaved a Styrofoam plate and one of the staff said "you know that toxins seep into your food when you do that" and then the best, most appropriate response was given.
The only time in history when I was okay with someone using this stupid phrase. Possibly how she responded, I don't know. I loved it.

I actually got dressed today. Here's a pic

Saturday, September 1, 2012

When I'm not with you it makes me feel like I'm on happy pills.

I'm watching True Life: Caffeine  and it makes me miss those first few years in college when "true life" preceded every story.
 "True life, I'm fat". 
"True life, I just ate a whole bag of chips"
Ya know, true life n'at. 
I'm starting to question the basis of this show any more. I mean, you've done the show from all possible angles that now you're doing I'm addicted to caffeine? You should just follow me around and call it True Life: I'm the World's Biggest Loser.
Okay, no I'm not. I'm actually pretty cool. 
I made some iced tea today and it was amazing. 

I went to dinner last night with George and we went to some little place in South Side. I had a burger that was almost impossible to eat due to the mass amount of cheddar nacho cheese that was involved. We also had PumKing beer. I don't remember how it's spelled, but you get the idea. Anyway, it tasted pretty good for pumpkin beer and it had cinnamon and sugar around the outside rim. I'm not going to lie, I enjoyed it.
The horrible waitress also gave us these place mats that had little fun activities on them. Like palindromes and  word scrambles on them. Being the smart, college educated gal that I am, I decided to take a whirl. And I mean, we figured them all out. Except for the palindrome one that was something along the lines of "What kind of grass grows along a seashore?".  I mean, really. Who knows that? No one. 

See how super yummy that looked?

Oh, and P.S for some reason I'm getting like 30 more hits a day on my blog, so how about you start commenting? I love comments.