Sunday, July 29, 2012

I wish I didn't feel this way

I'm sorry, but honestly all females who are younger than me are just too annoying to deal with. Obviously there are exceptions but for the most part, I'm done.

I'm so fed up with people I'm going to be a 16 year old and list the people I can't stand, go ahead and judge me:

People with pink hair
People who think they are cool cause they smoke weed.
People who hate other people for being closed minded. Last time I checked, to use a 3rd grade phrase, it's a free country.
Super liberal people.
Girls that think they are unique and original because they play video games.
Kids that drink when they are underage and think it's cool.
People that hate people because they drink Starbucks.
Did I say Liberals?
People that think they're unique in any aspect.
People that take really senseless pictures and post 793984783 pictures on Facebook and call it "photography"
When anyone over the age of two even utters the words "mommy" and "daddy"
People that say "ignorant" for everything. Please use a dictionary.
People like me who make lists of the people they hate

Monday, July 23, 2012

If you can't leave it be, might as well let it bleed

I had the weirdest dream last night that I was essentially Humbert Humbert. I somehow started a correspondence with a Lolita and we were mailing letters back and forth until one day Lolita invited me over. (and when I say me, I mean me as I was a 25 year old spiffy looking man from the 1950's) so it was this whole production and I was going to meet Lolita. I get there in the middle of the night it seemed and they were on the top story of an apartment building. I can't really describe the entrance but it was about three feet lower than the floor and about 4 feet away from the hallway platform. To get in the door, you had to walk down these broken white painted metal steps. So I knock on the door and a little girl answers who I assume is Lolita and introduce myself. It isn't her. Then there is a huge bed in the middle of the room, but there is a girl about my age sleeping in it. Then there is a girl who is Lolita but when I mentioned the letters, she had no idea what I was talking about.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

So do you think that we could work out a sign so I know that it's you and that it's over so I won't even try

I can't stop listening to Jesus Christ by Brand New. It's bringing back the old days.
I'm horribly mad at everything.
My mom is still in Pittsburgh. She met Todd yesterday and it was incredibly awkward. She's really getting on my nerves. Okay,everyone is.
I can't really hold a grudge, but I am right now. Not sure how long it'll last, but some things are inexcusable. And by tomorrow I'll be over it, but anyway.
I also wish I could take things back. I hate when I tell people things and I don't mean it. Or I mean I don't mean to tell them something but it just comes out of me like word vomit. Heyyy Katy Heron.
I had to get my mom and GoGo McDonald's and I don't really like McDonald's so I have nothing to eat. I have to work at 3. I really wish someone would kill me so I didn't have to go.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012



Sunday, July 15, 2012

I'm having this conversation with my granda about how neither of us ever go to church anymore. I can't help it. I'm just at the point now where I don't think I should go if it's an obligation. I mean, most of me is just too lazy to get up at 815 on a Sunday morning. There is a little part of me that thinks about going every single morning, but then my laziness overpowers that thought. It's the same thought that stops me from going to the gym every day. I had every intention of going to church this morning, but then I sat down and started watching Teen Mom and then church was out the window. Then I had every intention of going to the gym but then I stopped at my GoGo's house and I've been sitting in a chair having my mom cater to me and bring me coffee as I sit in a chair and watch the DIY Network with GoGo. I should help my family do whatever they're doing to GoGo's house, but I'm too lazy. I'm too lazy for anything but work. I'm a beast when it comes to work. Every other part of my life, eh, not so much.

I really have to applaud people for still wanting to be my friend. I don't think I've asked anyone to do anything since high school. I'm totally cool with sitting around not doing anything. When people ask me to do things, maybe like 4 times out of 10 I'll go hang out with them. I'm the biggest flake ever, I can't help it. Have you met my mother? There are a very select few who I'll do anything with them.
I think that I have too many email addresses and too many online accounts. It's really kind of weird and crazy. I need to tone it down. I'm at my GoGo's house right now and I'm on my mom's computer and it's the strangest computer ever and it took me about 30 minutes to remember what email address that my blogger was associated with. I keep thinking that I have all of this time to go to all of these doctors. I mean, I do have all the time ever, but the days and weeks seem to keep going so fast. I just feel so old, yet so unaccomplished.
Also, I'm really getting tired of telling people what my new job is. When we were getting trained the first week, my trainer said that a lof of people get tired of explaining it to people and so they just started saying that they were in sales. I think that's what I'm going to do. I just tell people that I'm a glorified babysitter. And when I say that, I mean I get insurance for babysitting. Last night when I went to my aunt's with a lot of my family members, I had to explain it to every single person. I really don't even know what I'm doing, honestly. Just sitting and yelling at kids. And also, I'm getting tired of people making the faces and saying things like "I don't know how you do that. I could never do something like that" (and they would say that with my last job, too) and I want to be like "I have no idea how you sit in a chair all day and put numbers into a computer". I really don't. I mean, I hate the pay in the mental health field, but at least it's different every day. I'll be poor for the rest of my life. This whole being a spinster thing isn't going to be fun if I'm poor and live with my grandma my whole life. Life would be so much easier if I could just not pay student loans. I hate you, Duquense. Why were you so expensive. Honestly, it was the biggest mistake of my life. I don't make any money at all, but I'd be a lot happier if I didn't have to pay a third of my monthly income in student loans. As much as I liked Duquesne, it wasn't worth it.

A few weeks ago when I went to see Magic Mike with my friend. I parked sort of far away from the movie theater and when I walked out I couldn't find my car. I honestly almost started crying. Patty and I just looked at each other about 15 times and I started freaking out. I had my keys. While we were in the theater I couldn't watch the movie because I kept thinking that I forgot to lock the door (thank you, mom, for making me paranoid). After about two minutes of freaking out, I was like "okay, why in the world would anyone want to steal my car?" And once I stopped freaking out, we found my car. It was about ten cars down from where I was looking. I have problems. It's like my severe math disability.

Oh, good news: My gas gauge is broken. More good news: the Rav is making weird noises. Even more good news: I'm not sure what's going on with the A/C in my car. Poor old Rav. You"ve been a trooper. You better keep being a trooper because the thought of buying a new car and filling out all of that paper work and having to remember to make payments seems like too much. The whole process just seems daunting. Also, I'm poor. Just like Annie on Bridesmaids. I wouldn't be able to afford first class.

Other than me being poor, I'm fat. I keep forgetting to work out. I never work out anymore. I've hopped on the bandwagon and started reading 50 Shades of Grey. I'm about three pages in and I'm not too impressed by it. I think that I really like books that ramble about nothing.

Why can no one in my family make a decision. My aunt told my mom that she could take her ticket to see Fiddler on the Roof downtown with my uncle because my aunt doesn't want to go. My mom is like "I want to spend time with my daughter" and my uncle goes "I better get a roll of toilet paper, shit's getting deep". I'm really not sure what that means, but everyone laughed so...You should see Todd and I attempt to make a decision.
"What do you want to do?"
"Ugh what do you want to do? You're the one who's hungry, you decide"
"I'm not picky, you think of somewhere"
"What are we even doing?"
"Mehhhh I have no idea"

and on and on.

My mom, uncle, and grandma have been attempting to decide where the tv is going to go. It's escalating into a fight. My grandma has green carpet in her house and the walls are pink. I think that should be first priority... to get rid of that. But they're painting the bathroom and trying to get all of the papers and junk thrown away. It's honestly like an episode of Hoarders minus the therapist which is really what this family needs.

My mom's computer is so much nicer than mine. I don't like the keyboard at all, but it's nice to not have the computer freeze in the middle of a sentence. But honestly, I don't take care of computers (or anything, really) so I don't deserve a nice one. My dad keeps buying me these computers that are meant to last 3 years. I never understood why people at Worst Buy would buy these crappy computers, they're all like "Help me, I'm poor". I would give them the option of of either 6th month or 18th month no interest financing. But hardly anyone ever took that.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

pull up in your fast car.

So I'm a week in to my new job (okay, technically 4 days because we got off for the 4th) and so far, so great. Basically all I've done is sit in a chair and go from Psych 101 to Psych 501.  And we still have a whole week of it. But I do have this test that I have to take tomorrow and I'm not sure if you know this, but, like everyone else, I'm horrible at taking tests. So eek. I've been trying to study today but it's been pretty pointless. I read the 117 pages "readings" and arbitrarily highlighted random sentences to make myself feel like I'm making progress.I sort of want to just get done with training and go work with the kids. I'm hoping that I get put on the unit with the kids with MR. I was observing on that unit and they're so adorable. I want to hug them all.
Other than this test, I feel so official. I have keys and a badge that all I have to do is swipe over a black pad and a door opens. Of course they spelled my name wrong.

What's going on with me?
For the 4th, I went over to my friend Steph's apartment and just hung out with some girls from my sorority then I went with Todd to his mom's house and we had dinner and just sat around. I didn't get to see fireworks, of course. I don't get to go to Kiawah so I'm hoping that someone else invites me to the beach in 90 days when my PTO kicks in.  I'm bored out of my mind and I'm in one of those moods where I just want to be alone. My mom is up here staying at her mom's house and she's attempting to clean it out. My Grandma on my mom's side is basically a hoarder.
I'm not sure if anyone else gets like this, but I get in these weird moods where I don't want to talk to anyone. Like I basically become a mute. You'll ask me questions and I don't even have the energy or desire to answer. Of course this is the time when everyone feels like calling me and asking me to hang out and my family comes over. Everyone wants to have these big conversations and I'm just like "uh-huh. yep". Even if I wanted to talk I don't think I could. 
I think this job will help me with my emotions. I'm going to have to get these kids to talk so I'll have to be more in tune with my own emotions, if I even have them. 

As far as music goes, I'm in love with Lana Del Rey. We always had her on this mini video thing at Worst Buy and every time her video came on I was like "oh god, there's another indie gal who thinks she's the greatest thing since sliced bread" and she kinda is. I was really in to her for about a week and I'm almost at the point where I'm bored of it. But it's really nice to listen to, anyway. If someone can figure out how to send music via the internet since AIM and gtalk don't appear to work with my settings, I'll send it to you. 
I don't think it's possible for me to not like a cover of "Kids" by MGMT, but The Kooks did a cover and I think it's my favorite. 

I just really love covers. I generally like them more than the original song. 

Katy Perry, I don't like you. But I like you when you cover MGMT

On Friday, I went out for my friends birthday. That was fun. I had to reassure this guy at the bar that he was attractive. The whole time I wanted to punch him for being so obnoxious. I honestly wanted to punch about 90% of the people in that bar.

I'd rather just listen to Lana
This is my second favorite song. Her videos are awesome