Thursday, May 31, 2012

I'm watching the kardashians and wow I'm so much like kourtney in this episode. Granted I'm so much prettier than she is, we've got the same emotional maturity.
And I was thinking its probably bad that I can't tell people who I'm close with good things that happen in my life but then I can tell random people everything.

Anyway, it's my birthday and I'm going to get lunch and get my nails done with my friend. Then going to see my client tonight. How's that for the worst. Whatever I hate birthdays but this one isn't bad. This is the first time I'm not going to have lasagna and a wildewood bakery cake.

Monday, May 28, 2012

these girls fall like dominos.

I'm oddly physically exhausted. I never really get like this. I was trying to walk around my client's neighborhood with him tonight and I wanted to pass out. This probably means that I should be sleeping, but whatever.

I was thinking how nice it is that I'm developing a crush on one of my coworkers. Like a huge one. I love it though. It's like one of those 6th grade crushes. Awww, right? We're obvs meant to be, guys. I just know it. Poor Jamie has to hear all about it all the time. It's just nice coming off a a slew of frelationships with guys I didn't even like and then really liking one but that's ending up being a complete failure, to have that "unattainable crush". I know he would never like me, but still, it's fun to pretend. I just get some goofy goof smile that I can't help. It's actually embarrassing. I mean, it doesn't mean anything, but I still find it cute. 

Anyway, I have a huge library fine again. I wish I was actually Franny Glass just because that would be awesome. I really need to sleep but I don't want to. I have so much paperwork to do tomorrow before I go to Worst Buy. So that means I have to wake up at like 6 and get ready and do my paperwork then drive over to Verona AND THEN drive over to McKnight and slave away. At least I made time and a half today. I don't even care anymore. I just task my time away. I love tasking. I wish I could get paid to task and not have to sell anything. I also enjoy standing around with my coworkers and doing nothing for 6 hours. Either one works. 

Nothing else is going on in my life. Okay, nothing is going on at all. I like to think that I've figured out everything that I want, but then someone or something will throw a wrench in to the situation and then my whole idea and thought process are ruined. And whatever. I mean, I'm fine. You can take however long you need to figure things out, but please let's not make it this complicated. 

I got these from Khol's but I'm going to take them back because I really hate how fat I am.
This is a skirt I bought that I'm pretty sure I'm going to take back, also because I hate how fat I am...even though this is too big. :

Friday, May 18, 2012

You know one of my flaws? I hate other peoples music. I like to think it's only good if I found it. Just saying. Or people who I admire their taste in music. But still I usually only like it when I find it. The only band I've ever really liked that someone else told me about was Camera Obscura (i dont understand why that word is mever recognized because it's a legit photography term) thank you, Marissa. You and your Express radio win :)
Anyway, the other day when I was with George he had The Bird and the Bee playing. It was the Interpreting the Masters Hall and Oates album. Anyway, I already knew them and owned the album but didn't listen to it much cause it wasn't as good as old Hall and Oates but they made up one song called "Heard It On The Radio" and now I'm obsessed with it. So you should all not take a page from my book and go listen to it.

Today is so nice. Screw you, Worst Buy. I don't mind going to work in the morning because I don't really know what the day is going to bring. It could be raining, freezing or beautiful outside. But I'm inside so I can't tell I'd it's nice outside. I hate starting at one. While it's nice to sleep in, I have the the unfortunate knowledge that it's perfect weather. I wish I was at the beach or the pool or just laying out in the sun. Such a tragedy, I know. I'm just trying to get some vitamin D but I'm sitting on the roof and a tree is blocking the sun

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

that's my bitch.

So I spent about two hours in Marshall's tonight trying to find something to spend my gift card on, when I landed upon this little gem:

I felt the need to spend waste money on something. I thought that after reading this book, I would be a Goddess. That after reading this I would sparkle with glamour. I should have realized that this book was sitting next to "Am I a Cow?", and would be for young girls who make friendship bracelets, not teenage girls to whom I obviously relate.
After reading I feel no such likeness to a goddess.
This book is full of useless information. 
For example: 
How to put on a fashion show.  I can't think of anything to say for this one.
How to air-kiss. Does this still happen?
How to make your own body glitter. I checked the copyright on this book to confirm that it was written in the 90's. No. 2008. Did little girls still wear body glitter in 2008?
How to do a perfect pirouette. When would this come in handy?
HOW TO MAKE SOAP ON A FREAKIN ROPE. The last time anyone used soap on a rope was when Mrs. Belding was having her baby in an elevator. And Lauren bought me some for Christmas and I used it all. I am a hypocrite, but ignore that.
How to remove ink stains from your fingers. I'm not sure why one would have ink stains on their fingers...

In my mind I had a very funny blog planned for this book. 

I'm sorry I failed you horribly.

Anyway, as I was checking out this extremely old man at the cash register said "I hope you come back in a week and I can see how much of a goddess you've become"
I'm not sure if that's creepy, but you know what is? Yesterday I was standing around Worst Buy with these two male employees and this old guy walked by us and looks at me and says "I can say one thing about this store, the help is getting a lot better". I wanted to die. I mean, I know I'm gorgeous, but come on. 


Sunday, May 13, 2012

The Echo-Friendly // "Same Mistakes" by Cantora Records

The Echo-Friendly // "Same Mistakes" by Cantora Records

I like dis song a lot. I heard it on Girls tonight. I luv the lyrics not even necessiarily the music.
I'm so tired right now. Last night was fun we went to the baseball game. And when I say that I mean a Pirates baseball game. Then on Friday I went out with my friend George and we went to southside and got Chinese (yea, I know I have a problem), went to this little beer place and got some random beer then a milkshake. I'm a glutton. Then I went to Starbucks after that but I refrained from getting anything. Please be proud of my willpower.
I'm starting to get annoyed with my extremely long days. I'm gone from like 930-9 every day. I get no home time and it's sad. I sort of like it that way, I guess.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

There is some stupid song on the radio

I'm just sitting at work waiting to clock in. I'm bored and I don't want to be here. I spent all morning shopping and now I'm tired and just want to go home. Everyone is horrible and they need to go away. I need to repaint my nails they look terrible.

Saturday, May 5, 2012


Man I look like a pimp. Gregory loves it though. He's ready for bed. Yes, we're going to bed at 9:17 on may 5. Normally a big drinking day but I'm going to sleep. I was asked to go out but I feigned a stomach ache because Chinese and bridesmaids felt like they were more importante.

Physically I don't bloat.

I'm starting to be concerned for my welfare. I mean, I'm really not so don't take this literally. Anyway, I'm watching Bridesmaids again. And when I say again I mean for the 86th time. I'm alone and eating Chinese. Again. When I say again I mean for the 3rd time this week. The lady there feels so bad for me she always gives me two fortune cookies. I'm assuming that she is trying to give me some good fortune luck. Probably just thinks that I ordered enough food for two people, but still.  Don't worry though. I just feel such an attachment to Bridesmaids. You know Annie? We're exactly the same except I don't have an adorable Irish cop who falls in love with me. I have no one, actually. Annie and I are both jobless and drive horrible cars. She's jealous and insecure. So am I. She can't be happy for anyone else. Neither can I.  Oh, we also love to bake. I mean, she's actually good at it and I make cookies when I'm upset. Okay, I'm actually more like Grace Boman in that respect. I think we have the same outlook on life: pessimistic. I think that she's a little more cynical than I am but she has more of a reason to be. And she is forced to sell eternal love, which she can't. I'm forced to sell Geek Squad Black Tie Protection plans, which I never do. We're terrible sales people and we hate people, yet we both work with people. Unfortunately I don't have hilarious roommates from England. But I do live with my grandma and uncle.
Anyway, I love this movie a little too much.

I had a dream about Dan last night. He was just a guy who doesn't matter, but I dream about him a lot for some reason. Well I was getting out of my car and he pulled up next to me and got out and it was awkward and then he apologized for being a douchebag. He was a lot taller in my dream than I remember him being. It seemed sweet, I suppose. One day in real life, I was walking across the parking lot and he drove by and had the nerve to wave to me out the window.

I had an epiphany while I was sitting in traffic coming home from my client's house. I'm not sure how much longer I can do this. I think that it's just been so long it doesn't matter much any more. I'm done trying and all that jazz. I guess you have to realize when your efforts are completely futile. People make up their minds and don't really tell you anything, and you're left not really knowing what's up, and it has to end sometime. Saying this, I know it won't happen, but I can try. I used to be obsessed with He's Just Not That Into You movie because it always spit such reality into my face. You know that scene where the main guy character tells the extremely annoying main female character that, loosely quoted, if a guy wants to be with you, he will? Well I think he said that. I might be making it up. Well anyway that's always been my mantra in the past, so it should be now. I just really enjoy dragging things out. I'm lame.

Okay and now that the boy drama is over and you can love my life some more...
My life is a spiraling black hole (that was an "Emo Kid" lyric). 
I was driving to work yesterday and all was good. I was in an extremely pleasant mood and I was jammin' out to every song on my iPod because nothing was worth listening to. Still in a good mood though. I pull up to Worst Buy, get out of my car and I'm halfway to the door when I realize that there is a hole in my pants. You know when you're fat and your pants are constantly ripping because your fat legs rub together? In the 10 months I've been at Worst Buy I think I've gone through 6 pairs of khakis. How sad is that? So I'm like "OMG ARE YOU SERIOUS I HAVE A HOLE IN MY PANTS?" and I'm standing in the vestibule waiting for my manager to let me in and there's the other annoying kid standing there with me. Okay whenever my manager opens the door I'm like "uh, so...there's a hole in my pants I'm going to be late cause I have to go to Kohls to buy some new pants" and he's like "Uh yeah. You should probably do that..."
Indeed I love my life.

Today was hilarious (I tweeted about this). I'm with my old lady client and we're at Walmart and the whole time I was there, she kept saying that she can't steer carts and it's not her fault if she runs into people who need to watch out for her. So we're walking out of the store (out of the entrance doors) and she's going pretty fast. You know when you try to leave through the entrance doors it always takes longer to recognize that you're there. So anyway, she just barrels through the doors with her cart and knocks into it. The door comes off the hinge and is being held on by the bottom on the track down there. 

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Everything I own smells of you. And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

If you want to be sad or you feel like wallowing in your own misery more, listen to "You Could Be Happy" by Snow Patrol. It's seriously the saddest song ever. Then listen to that "Domino" song and you'll feel better. I want to shop. I shouldn't work in retail. Well, clothing retail. So many people say they're staying at Worst Buy for the discount but I'm just a masochist. That's my reason.

Anyway, I'm starving. I'm at Old Navy and this girl here is about to get punched. Not even slapped. Punched. Her teeth. Okay sorry. I'm trying to be nice to people. It's too hard when I wake up at 5.

I think I'm done.
I'm done about 6 times a day but I'm donner than done.

Ugh can I please just go home? I've already signed more than my share of the store. And okay I'm a slow signer but whatever. I want to shop but Incan never find anything that I like.

I might buy a bike.
And 17 new swim suits.
And a bel for my bike.
And some more suits.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Wow, guys.

Wow 2005 please stop me

You never understood what we loved you for

I really don't understand why things can't be black and white. Why does everything need explained. Can't I think or feel something without there being a solid reason? I don't know if that's fair. The worst part is like 40% of me is completely apathetic. Why is there nothing good on my iPod?
There is a homeless man with a sign that says "spare sum chedda 4 a cracka?" clever yet sort of sad
Okay, more funny: we all know I'm not particularly fond of one of my coworkers. I've often imagined smacking them in the face with a bat. It was oh so ironic when this person came up to me yesterday and said that they wished I'd hit them over the head with a bat. Done and done. Meet me out back in five.

Also when I was driving down 376 yesterday with my windows down a wasp flew into my window and stung my neck. I've never been stung by anything so you can imagine my shock when this little guy had the nerve to just walk his little wasp body all over my steering wheel as I'm cruising at around 75 miles an hour. Once I got off the highway I pulled off in a gas station and literally tucked and rolled out of my car and stood waiting for like ten minutes till the bugger flew out.


So I'm stuck at the front lanes today and I would normally be mad about it but it's sort of a relief. I'm just complaining about it because I like to complain and it makes me happy. I read that bananas make you happy so I had one this morning and I don't feel any better. I mostly had one because I woke up at 9:02 and I had to shower and drive to work by 9:30. I clocked in at 9:34 and that's taking into account the fact that it takes 12 minutes to get to this craphole.
So this is going to be a day-long blog. Get ready cause I'm mad and I have a lot to say.

First: my client said my name yesterday. I feel like I'm making suh progress with him and I was on the verge of tears. We played Simon says and I kept saying "point to your ears" and he was say "ears" but it would be unprompted. So he got loads of candy. He's a nice kid.

Seriously. These customers say the dumbest things. This old guy comes up and says he has a credit for $2.82 and I asked if he had a gift card. He said no that the cashier in his last sale took it. I guess because he had written down 2.82 on the back of an envelope that meant he had a credit. I could write down 3,000 dollars on an envelope and say it was on a gift card. People annoy me

My hair is falling out. Like in clumps. Okay not clumps but more than normal I don't even want to know what I look like right now since I just jumped out of the shower and put my clothes on and came here.