Sunday, April 29, 2012

All my friends seem to think you might leave me for dead

You know what's awkward?
When you do something without realizing that it's sexual and then the person you're talking to starts busting out laughing and you have no idea why but you gauge that it has something to do with being pervy so you jut laugh too but you have no idea why you're laughing.
Welcome to my life.

You know what's ironic?
I'm watching a WQED program about diabesity (which if you couldn't guess is a mix between diabetes and obesity) and I'm eating a dozen cookies and fried chicken.

Stop me

I seriously look like a raccoon. This is not because I'm wearing too much eyeliner. I look like a raccoon-pelican hybrid. Please no one take pictures of this rare breed.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

And when I leave you in the morning, I think of you all day

I'm sitting in the parking lot of Getgo eating some roni rolls and drinking an energy drink even though I am neither tired nor hungry. I went to bed at 10 last night and I had 6 cookies and some raisin bran for breakfast. I sit in parking lots stuffing my face a lot.
Anyway, I'm reading twitter and there are some motivational quotes about relationships and moving on and whatnot and doing whatever with your life. We all know I can't do that. I know someone else who can't do it either *cough* Jamie *cough* we're basically awesome.
I should stop talking about this nonsense but it's my blog and I'll complain if I want to.
Side note: why is "I've got you, babe" both the happiest and saddest song ever made? Also one of the best.
Side note 2: I have to park on the street at my one clients house. Why are there so many cars. Even if I could parallel park, there wouldn't be space. So my car is probably going to get hit cause I'm parked precariously on a corner. Yes, my car is probably going to fall off the street. Good. I hope it does. Then maybe I'll have a reason to get something done. I'm basically jut wake up, go to work, eat mass amounts of food, sleep.
And I was thinking of how nostalgic I've been lately. But I have no idea why I feel this way. I've never been particularly tickled about my life, but maybe it's just cause I used to hang out with people so I had memories. All the memories I've had lately involve the fridge. I was thinking again about how I don't hang out with anyone. I mean I do. I hang out with a friend at least once or twice a week, but I think it's different from college when you're surrounded with kids and there's always something to do or someone to talk to... Even when you don't want that. Now I have to drive to someones house or we have to go out to eat and spend money because no one I know has their own apartment. WHY DO WE ALL LIVE WITH OUR FAMILIES? I'm just glad that everyone else I know has yet to grow up.

My client loves bubbles. I really wish that everyone could experience the joy on his face when I blow him bubbles. I wish I got half as happy about anything as he does with bubbles.

So I started watching this show on HBO yesterday called Girls. On the show, the main character was getting tested for STDs and while she's laying on the table, she's thinking about how she wished that she had AIDS. And you're probably thinking that's such a horrible thing to think, but the way she was saying it's really not. I read another article about a girl who watched the show and agreed. The main character, Hannah (I think) was saying she wanted AIDS cause them no one would tell her she needed to grow up and get a job. Or that she needed to do something with her life. All anyone would care about would be to congratulate her for living another day. No nagging, just love. I guess to someone who has it all together, like the doctor, what Hannah is saying sounds trite and possibly even extreme. To someone who is sort of in the same position, it makes sense. However crazy it may be.

I should stop talking now. I'll blog later while I'm inbetween clients. I feel like I have a lot to say today. Watch out, guys. Maybe one day I'll blog about something interesting

I want to go ride my bike again. Well I need a new bike, actually.

Friday, April 27, 2012

More Holden babble

I'm sorry.
But I'm sitting outside and it's 30 degrees and I'm eating oatmeal and drinking some tazo tea and I'm freezing. I'm not even sure that was a sentence, my apologies. Anyway, I was thinking about Holden like I always do. Theres a scene at the end of the book that I've already talked about when Holden is talking to his kid sister, phoebe. Well, she asks him to think of something he likes and it takes him forever to come up with something. But his answer was "I like lots of things. I like sitting here with you".
I just feel like I've changed so much. When I was in high school and college I really hated being with people and most of the reason I hung out with people was because l felt like I had to hang out with people, because that's what social mores were telling me. Now I just genuinely like hanging out with people and I don't care who they are or what we're doing. I mean, don't get me wrong, I still like being alone about 65% of the time. I think when I was 20, though, that number was about 98%. There are actually a lot of things I like. Whenever I was hanging out with this jerk, he told me I didn't like anything and said that I couldn't write a list if I tried ( he didn't say that last part. I wanted to make it more dramatic. He was a retard and told me that he had to use a dictionary every time I texted him...) I could though. I could write a list that spans from Pittsburgh to Texas. Maybe I just hated everything cause I hated you...?
And I'm not actually sure if Holden even said that. But I think he did. He's just perfect. Stop being so perfect, Holden.

Well, I'm planning on a bike ride but it really is freezing. I can't get that stupid bike to go fast enough to make me sweat. The gears are broken. But I should at least give it the old college try, eh?

Yesterday was nice. I did my old navy thing and then my friend and I went to to this diner and it was amazing. It was a Ramona Quimby quote that only Ashleigh and I would know (most likely. I thought those books were really popular but whenever I say "go away blue oatmeal" no one knows what I'm talking about) "I can't believe I ate the whole thing". Note my instagram feed. It was a big burger. Then note my twitter feed. The waitress told me she was impressed by how much I was able to eat.

Anyway, yes, I love the whole Caulfield family and the whole Glass family. I love you, Salinger.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I just want

And well we all know.
My clients are so cute at least. I'm glad the only boys in my life are 10 and 11. Oh that makes me sound creepy.

Monday, April 23, 2012

zou bisou bisou

Okay, first off, I'm totally and utterly confused with this new Blogger layout. Give me back my old Blogger. I luved it dat way. 

Secondly, can I just talk about my client for a second. I probably shouldn't talk about him but tonight was just the cutest thing I've ever experienced. He wasn't really behaving the way I like him to but then his mom gave me two Starbursts to give to him. I was just holding them in my hand and he goes "peas". His attempt to say "please". Now, this client doesn't really talk. That was the first time I've ever heard him say an actual word other than gibberish. So then every time he wanted something I made him say "peas" then I basically had a heart attack every time he did that because it's honestly the most adorable thing ever. Then we were jumping around and he just randomly shouts "jump" without prompting. So he got more candy, obviously. And that, my friends, made me so ungodly happy I can't even explain.

You know what else makes me happy?

This kitty.

And he's not even my favorite cat. 

I could go on for a while about how much I hate work, but I'm not going to do that. I could go on about how pathetic I am and what I did to my Sims, but I won't. I'll spare you all of the gory details of my life. Most of you know how much I love it anyway. And all of the customers that I want to smack and all of the idiots that I work with and how rude boys always end up being with me. Also how everyone sucks. But you all know that everyone sucks. Even the people that promised you they wouldn't suck. They suck, too. 

Can it please be summer again? I would really like that. Not like I have any friends and the only person that I'll be able to hang out with is Alex when she's not with her boyfriend. I sort of miss summer '11. 
We need to come up with a new slogan for this year. 
What rhymes with 12?

Also, I'm obsessed with this song called "Fallschrim" it's this random ass German song that I accidentally downloaded when I was trying to download some M.I.A but I got Mia instead. A stellar find. And if you watch Mad Men, then you'll know Zou Bisou Bisou. I downloaded that as well and I love it. Usually when I sing Fallschrim I sing "ballsealbeleiber the pachum. fa la bes ba toy." Obviously that's what they're singing. Fallschrim means parachute in German, if you didn't know that. It has something to do with falling without a parachute. I think that if I had any idea what this song was saying, then it would mirror my life. Please just listen to it. You'll love it.

Thursday, April 19, 2012



That's how I feel even though I'm surprisingly calm. I got a lot done today, I feel. I worked at Old Navy, then I went to giant eagle and tried to find cookie stuff and I made cookies then I ran a lap around my hood and now I'm watching Dr. Phil before I have to go meet my client then I'm going to the gym if it kills me. Hopefully I have success tomorrow as well. Wow the lack of sleep is finally catching up with me. My legs hurt. All I want to do is crawl back in bed and never get out. Also, all I've eaten today has been sugar and Chinese food. This could be why I'm in a bad mood. Oh, no its not.

Monday, April 16, 2012


Why does everyone suck. Everyone is so stupid.
I hate boys.
I hate little kids.
I hate annoying high school girls.
I hate girls my age.
I hate creepy old men.
I hate boys so much I can't explain.
They're all such douchebags.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Stuuuuupiiiddd hoe

I'm just angry. Pardon that. I'm also a little crazy and psycho jealous. Working always puts me in some sort of the best mood ever. And it's not even that I hate Worst Buy... We all know what the problem is. I did, however, spend one third of my shift sulking, the second third talking to my coworkers about how I hate everything and the third third of my shift thwarting theft. And when I say that last part I mean I stood at the end of an aisle and stared at a customer until he left.

Anyway, it's such a nice day out today I'm about to force my uncle to go bike riding with me because there's really no point in not enjoying this weather before it gets freezing and raining again or before it gets unbearably hot. We all see how I look after a nice rain storm...

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

I know you're hoping to find someone who's gonna give you peace of mind

Sometimes I feel like my life is this song (Second Hand News by Fleetwood Mac). I know that most of it has nothing to do with what happened and I'm not really second to someone else, we could just change the "someone" to "something". The third and fourth verses really resonate with me. I don't know. The lyrics aren't all that great but when they're paired with the music, you can't beat it. You should listen to it. 

I know there's nothing to say
Someone has taken my place
When times go bad
When times go rough
Won't you lay me down in tall grass
And let me do my stuff

I know I got nothin' on you
I know there's nothing to do
When times go bad
And you can't get enough
Won't you lay me down in the tall grass
And let me do my stuff
Do it

One thing I think you should know
I ain't gonna miss you when you go
Been down so long
I've been tossed around enough
Aw Couldn't you just
Let me go down and do my stuff

I know you're hopin' to find
Someone who's gonna give you peace of mind
When times go bad
When times go rough
Won't you lay me down in tall grass
And let me do my stuff
Do it

I'm just second hand news
I'm just second hand news
I'm just second hand news
I'm just second hand news

i'm just second hand news.

So, in light of being truly inspired by Holden Caulfield (yes, for the hundred millionth time), I'm going to blog about the people I find inspirational (even if they haven't inspired me to do anything...yet)

#1 Holden Caulfield
I'm not going to put these in any sort of order, because I'm terrible at that. Holden isn't really my hero. I do honestly find him quite annoying at times. But, unfortunately, we're kind of the same person. In my last run through of this book, I realized that maybe I got a lot of my sarcastic-ness from the boy. Everything he says is just oozing with sarcasm. And I love it. And I'm the same way. Holden's seen a lot more depressing things than I have in my life and he really hates everyone, but we're similar in a lot of ways, too. Holden hates everyone. Everyone is phony. Everyone is lumped into a specific category. Holden is also depressed and in a mental institution and I am not. But I love the superficial similarities that we have. When he says that people never notice anything. People always think something is all true. The thing that I've rediscovered about Holden, and probably why I've been obsessing about him over the years, is that he has no direction or purpose in life and he's okay with that.He has no idea what he wants out of life. Maybe not okay with it, but he's come to terms with it and knows that's who he is. You can't accuse Holden of not knowing who he is and that's how I like to think of myself. Anyway, there is that one part near the end of the book where Holden is talking to his younger sister, Phoebe, and she is asking him what he wants to be when he grows up. Of course he says he doesn't want to be a doctor or a lawyer or anything like that because it's phony. I disagree. But what he wants to do is he wants to be the Catcher in the Rye. There are  a whole bunch of kids in this field of rye and all, and all he wants to do is stand at the edge of this cliff and catch the little kids when they're not paying attention so they don't fall off. He knows it's crazy, but that's all he really wants to do. I can't really write it down in words, but that's exactly how I feel. And while I know part of him literally means that's what he wants to do, but there is probably a metaphor buried in there somewhere dying to be extracted and written in my blog. But I can't do it because I'm in the same position as Holden. Except he has an image in his head of this and I don't.
While I'm sure that the whole thing probably has a deeper meaning about not growing up and something about childhood because that's what everything's about, that's just how I see it.

#2 Marie Antoinette
This lady gets a lot of crap. I, however, think that she is the most admirable woman in history. You're up there, too, Jackie. I mean, I realize that she had a part in the whole French Revolution nonsense, but it wasn't all her fault like a lot of history has made us believe. I still think she took all of the criticism like a champ and that's what matters to me. She was beautiful and had some good quotes. I love the time period and I love that she was a major fashion icon of her day. She set trends and that was awesome. Everyone hated her and they made up all of these scandals. And maybe she wasn't the smartest when it came to picking nobles and stuff, but she made her bed and she laid in it with grace. Eh, she cheated on Louis. But he was fat and spent all day hunting and making locks. She was an amazing mother and, I'd say, a political icon.
I just think that it's totally unfair that she gets blamed for everything. She wasn't the only one making decisions. Don't call my girl "Queen Deficit". The King and all of the other members of the royal party were spending money, too. I mostly like the fact that she got beheaded, however morbid that makes me.  Basically she was strong. Strong people appeal to me. Like you know that Marie never cried in public and she would never let people see her upset like that. I think that is more important than leading your country to battle or something like that.

Richard Nixon.
I mainly love him for the same reason that I love Marie Antoinette. He's the poor scapegoat of the whole Watergate operation. Boy didn't order it. He knew about it, yes. He covered it up, yes. He got caught. And that sucks. The only thing about him is that he didn't handle it like a gentleman. But men are stupid and they can never be as strong as women (I mean emotionally). Anyway, how hilarious is it that the courts were ordering him to hand over the transcripts of the conversations that he was having while in the oval office (obviously it was all recorded) and when he finally did they had all of the important information blacked out? I didn't say he was the brightest blub in the box. But he did do what they asked him. What was left made no sense and made him look extremely guilty. He was just trying to cover the asses of the idiots who broke into the Democratic National Headquarters. I mean, they left tape on a lock and the security guard found it. I realize this was the early 70's but, come on. The worst thing about it is that Nixon would probably have been re-elected anyway. Good old Committee to Re-Elect the President. But, yeah. Oh and I love Nixon because he went up against Kennedy in the first televised presidential debates and my boy sweats so much, that all of his make up came off and made him look like a creep on tv. That's probably not the only reason Kennedy won, though. Jamie I thought you'd like that fact.
 If there's one thing I love it's a good scapegoat.

Peggy Olson.
This woman is so amazing. She's fictional, though based on a real character I think. Peggy starts at Sterling Cooper as Don Draper's secretary. She gets picked to be a part of a focus group for lipstick and she comes up with a good slogan for the lipstick I guess and then she becomes the first female copywriter at Sterling Cooper. Simple as that, yet she's still so amazing. This was the early 1960's before women were obnoxious feminists  throwing that stupid book by Betty Friedan in everyone's faces. Peggy is the kind of feminist who is respectable. She just wants what's best for herself. She wants equality for all women (and men of color, too), but she isn't really willing to burn her bra (yet...hopefully never) and protest annoyingly. She had no dreams of being anything other than a secretary and now that she has this man's job, she's not really sure she's up to the task. Or maybe she's thinking she doesn't want it. I want you to want it, Peggy. Well the reason I've always admired her is that she is kind of like me. If you haven't seen Mad Men and you know nothing about my first few relationships, which you don't, then you can't really understand why I am so obsessed with Peggy. But I think she's like a lot of us girls. It's sort of like what you're supposed to do, so you do it. And I love Peggy. I want to be her best friend and we can be roommates and drink beer and have lunch in the park. Peggy please be real. Oh and please let it be 1965. Thanks.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

You better, you better, you bet

Strawberries are amazing. I'm having coffee and strawberries for breakfast. Lauren and my mom are driving up right now but of course I have to go to work.
Can't say that I mind though. My client is an adorable distraction from my stupid life. So I can't really say that I mind, though. I like shooting the bull with my clients mom, anyway. She's so nice. Their whole family is so nice. I would be a madman if my kid had a disability. But they're saints. I like to think I'm a saint, but I'm not.

Ashleigh and Dad are here right now. Yesterday I went to the gym while Dad and Ash were on their way up here, then we went to this bar with my aunt and everyone got fish sandwiches and I got fried zucchini and some cole slaw because I'm not a fan of fried fish. Next I got a shower and Ash, Dad, Grandma and I went to Good Friday mass. That was the longest thing I've ever had to live through. So much singing and kneeling and standing and kissing the cross awkwardly. I, of course, only tapped the holy mans feet. I get the point of the ritual but it's awkward. And in this day and age I'm so surprised that people don't mind putting their lips on the same place that hundreds of others did. I'm not a germaphobe so I'm not worried about that. It's the whole bending over I'm front of the whole church thing that I'm not too keen on. But I'm just weird like that.

Next up, we went to geagle and got some food for Friday night pizza. Then made the pizza, ate it, had some brewskis and generally got fatter. I'm 100% I ate a whole pizza.

But I did work out like a maniac at the gym yesterday. Hopefully i'll do it again today. My back hurts like a madman from having to sleep in a different bed. When you change up your routine, it just throws your whole game off.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Tell me honestly did you ever really want this?

Sometimes I feel like the biggest moron in the world. I am the biggest. I keep trying and trying hoping to get different results but every time i come up with the same thing. That was me paraphrasing an Einstein quote, right? The definition of insanity or something. Well, anyway. I'm done, I guess. I guess. I just hate being lied to. I'm going to assume that's a normal human trait, but I'm still going to complain about it.

Well, whatever.

I watched a lot of tv on my half day off. Got caught up on all my shows and completely neglected the most important thing that I needed to do: check my oil. Oh and find my freaking debit card.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

you ain't never coming back to me. that's not how this was supposed to be

Tonight was sort of fun. We had this HP event for work where we ate and watched a stupid powerpoint presentation about laptops (or something I'm not sure) and then we got a 10 dollar subway gift card. Oh there were prizes given out, but of course I didn't win anything. That's the only reason I go. Because MABYE I'll win a laptop. Not like I really need one, but why not have it. I think you have to pay taxes on it. Seems more trouble than it's worth. I really don't want to go to work tomorrow. The thought of it is nauseating. Mostly because I have to get up early and it's now pushing midnight. Way too late for me. Not going to be able to get up tomorrow.

I think that I really need to grow up. I can't talk about anything. If you ask me if I'm okay I'm going to say yes even if I'm furious. Ask me point blank and I have a window of opportunity to explain myself and I can't. Everything is good, okay. Geeze. Yes, I am mad. Yes, I'm mad at you. I'll never learn. I've always been like this and I wish that I wasn't.

Hopefully I'll be able to sleep tonight.