Tuesday, January 31, 2012

my life is like a lemon drop.

I'm so mad at myself because I did so well today with food and then I came home and there was  a cute little plate of dinner waiting for me and I felt obligated to eat it. I mean, my grandma did go to all of that trouble to put it together for me...
Such an excuse. I know this.

I've been feeling a lot jealousy today and it should probably stop. My arch nemesis is dead and gone but I think I found a new one today. I don't understand why girls have to be so catty. I mean, I'm clearly not above all of this and that and talking behind other girls' backs but still. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. To my knowledge I didn't do anything to you so stop saying things about me. Thank you. God, who needs to get out of retail?
This girl.

I keep dreaming about moving to the beach and winning the lottery and not having to see people I don't want to see ever again. And just seeing the people I love and want to be with. We can all lay by the pool everyday and no one will care if we're fat and ugly and we can talk about odd things till the sun goes down. Boys will be perfect and they won't hurt us. We don't have to be judged and we can shop all day with our endless amounts of money. And we won't have to worry about being cold ever again and we will NEVER EVER have to scrape ice off our car at 6 in the morning. 

But I'm just whining. I apologize. 
I feel like I really have been in a good mood lately. No one has really been annoying me (other than my schedule at work). I'm going to meet my new client on Saturday (hopefully. Even if he is horrid). 

I've also realized lately that I'm extremely immature. I always thought that maybe it's a good quality to be non-confrontational and to sweep your feelings under the rug. I'm starting to see this isn't the case. Why does everyone want to talk about their feelings? Let's just ignore them and pretend like certain things never happened. I think that's the easy way of dealing with things. But I guess I'm learning that it's not the proper way to display emotions. 
I think I've always been that way though. And I know it annoys people when I don't respond to them when they start fighting with me. (Marissa: remember that time we all got in trouble with APhi and everyone was balling and I was just like "oh hi")

And P.S can someone give me a million bucks so I can buy a bag that I really want?

Monday, January 30, 2012

i wanna do right but not right now

I think that I have a lot to talk about, so bear with me...

Okay, well I obviously want to lose weight and I've been exercising a lot lately but I keep eating like it's December 11, 2012 and I'm a crazy end of the world type of girl. I'm never sure what's going on but the point is, I'm not losing weight. But at least I'm not gaining weight so that's always a bonus.

I had a really inspiring conversation with this boy at work. He told me some things that I don't want to really discuss because it's sort of weird, but basically it was "don't sit on your butt or you won't get anywhere" and I'm not even saying that it's all work related. Like, if you're going to do something, make the best of it. I guess in essence that's what he was saying. And if that's not what he was talking about, then that's what I got out of it. I was inspired for about twenty minutes. Kind of like you might as well be happy if you're going to be here on earth. Sounds like country music, doesn't it. I still have no idea what I want to do, but at least I should do something.

I almost got another client, but of course the hours aren't really going to work. So hopefully I'll be able to work like ten of the hours on this client's case. I'm not sure if I want to do it because my boss said it was "challenging" but I guess if I want a change in my life, I better take every opportunity thrown at me. I might as well get experience dealing with different people. And I like being a TSS so much more than I like being a Sales Associate at Worst Buy so if we can phase out that latter pain, it might be a good thing. Hopefully they can find me something that will work out.

Sometimes I'm so rude. I expect men to just open doors for me all the time, every time. Is that too much to ask? I don't think it is. So today, I'm leaving the gym and these little high schoolers were walking in and I just stood on the other side of the door until one of them realized that he needed to hold the door for me. It was awkward because the polite one basically tripped over the rude one, but I just figured that I'm doing my part to breed chivalry in a dying society. Maybe I've just been really spoiled lately, you know, getting my car door opened for me and stuff. But really, I think that males should always open the door for us members of the fairer sex.
And if you were wondering, I'm anti-feminism. I'm all for equal rights, but meh, it has it's limits.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Want to know my new obsession?

These flexi sports bra's. 
Why are they so amazing and why didn't anyone tell me about them before?
I mean, they offer no support for my chest that demands support.
But I'm substituting support for comfort. 
They're perfect.
I like to sleep in them.

The other day I was stalling before going in to the gym and I was walking around Kmart when I saw a box of Gene Bra's and thought "why not?". I loved them. They hide your back fat perfectly. I wish they had some wiring, but I can't win everything.

I thought you'd want to know.
Also, my quest to lose weight is failing miserably. 
I always eat fairly well until about dinner and once I'm there it's all downhill.
I also can't go into a grocery store because every time I'm in there I walk out with a box of Mike and Ikes and immediately devour the entire thing  like I haven't seen food in days. 
If someone wants to stop me, I'll be eternally grateful for your services.

Friday, January 20, 2012

would you stay if she promised you heaven?

I guess I can tell you about my horrible morning. 

I hate the snow. Honestly, anyone who says they love it is one of four things
1. In high school
2. Mentally challenged
3. Has the pleasure of parking their car in a garage
4. You're an Eskimo

If you don't fall in to one of these four categories, then I pity your sanity. Why in the world would you enjoy scraping two inches of ice off your car every morning before work when it's 2 degrees outside? You don't.
This morning I thought I'd be on top of things so I woke up two hours before work and got a shower then went outside to scrape the ice off my car so I didn't have to do it when I was rushing to get to work. I go outside and unlock my door. What do you  know? It doesn't open. I try every single door and THEY'RE ALL FROZEN SHUT. Oh, except the back one. So I open it and crawl through to the front and find my scraper, scrape my windows for 20 minutes and then go back inside. 
Then I get ready pretty quickly and then leave my house at 9:00 am. I start the car and my open door light is on. I get halfway down the driveway and since I'm paranoid, I go and pry open all of the doors with my frozen fingers and shut them. Then I drive up the street and the open door light pops on again. So I pull in the Dollar General parking lot and shut all of them again. (I can't drive with that on for the fear that my door is going to open and the junk yard worth of crap in my car is going to fly out). I have some great difficulty pulling out of my parking spot due to the mass amounts of snow on the ground and my lack of tread on my tires. I'm about a 3rd of a mile away from where I was WHEN IT HAPPENS AGAIN. So I pull over in the church parking lot and repeat the process. Upon getting back in my car, I decide that I need to wipe the back window cause it's covered in snow that flew off the top of my car. Well I guess I didn't do a good enough job scraping the ice off the back window because I tore the rubber off the wiper. So I couldn't see out of the back. It's now 9:13 am. Normally when I pass the church it would be 9:02 am. 
I call my dad and he gives me some annoying fatherly advice and I get mad and then realize that I need to wipe the front windows. But despite the fact that I scraped off all of the ice they were wonky and wouldn't even touch my windshield. So I drove blind to work until my defrost finally kicked in (which was around 9:20). So I call Jamie and bitch until about 9:32 when I decided that I should get off the phone since I was on the clock. 

And then the rest of my horribly boring shift I fixed open box and planogram mistakes. Later in the afternoon I gave dirty looks at people I'm mad at and made fun of stupid people for being faggy. 

Anyway. I should go to sleep so I can drive the chaos of what I can only assume the roads will be like tomorrow. 
At least I get to go to a job that I like with people who won't screw me over or who don't try to be me.

she's better known for the things that she does on the mattress

So the other night I was going to write some sort of hate filled blog about how I can't stand certain people and "woe is me" nonsense. And I'm still going to do that, but with a happy ending. 

I'm not sure why I've been acting like a five year old, but I think that I have reasons to be upset. I think that "Better Than Revenge" by Taylor Swift pretty much sums up why I'm mad (x3). Most of it's out of embarrassment. Too bad I'm not very good at revenge. Taylor, why didn't you give me any pointers? All you do is say "there is nothing I do better than revenge". The only time I ever sort of got revenge was on my roommates when I took all of the pots, pan and dishes and hid them in my room so they had to buy paper plates and couldn't cook. They also threatened to sue me, so whatever. 
Anyway, what does one do? Please email me with suggestions.

This is all in my head and probably all my fault. And I know why I'm mad, but I have no reason to worry. 

I'm not sure why I'm so afraid of confrontation. Whenever I was in that mostly horrible sorority, they made us do this gay thing where we talk about feelings and say what was on our mind. I think we can all surmise what I said. Why don't we all just sweep it under the rug and bottle our problems up. Everyone would drink more, but we'd all be a lot happier.
What is starting to become a trend in my "relationships" is that we hang out, I do something that could potentially mess it up, I feel horrible about it and then the other person ends up screwing it up anyway so what I did doesn't seem important. Even though it was way worse than what they did to me. Maybe I just need to start off right as to avoid karma in the future. 

But anyway, I'm sitting here not able to sleep, hoping that the snow doesn't pile up on my car, thinking that I'm actually okay. And everything could be so much worse. 

Now wait till the next time I see your phone and we'll see how I feel then.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

hey don't you know him?

You know what really has been bothering me lately?
Fat girl fashion blogs.
None of you are fashionable. 
I'm not even sure if it's considered quirky. Wearing sky blue tights and a shirt you found at Wal-Mart isn't really cute. 
And the thing that really irks me is why aren't there any blogs out there for girls my size? We don't look good in the fashions of really skinny gals but I'm also not 300 pounds. 
And then another thing is why can't I be funny anymore. I've been trying so hard lately and nothing comes out. Just monotonous jumble about how certain people are ruining my life (she is, I swear). And I can't even do it in a funny way, it's just literally complaining. 
Probably all of this country music. 

Oh and I hardly read any more.

I was in Starbucks today and I was, of course, wearing my red hunting hat, and this super hipster barista girl with big fake glasses told me that she really "dug" my hat. There was some shuttering going on in my mind. Then I was kind of hoping that she got the fact that I was trying to look like Holden. I'm hoping and praying that someone will be like "Oh, hey Holden" as I walk by. Hopefully it will be a male and he pulls out a ring.

I really don't hate people. I've just been really conceited lately for no apparent reason.
Landing back on earth soon. 
Until then, you can follow me on instagram and look at pictures I take of myself.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Engine of a heart that would not start had to jump it so much, it hurt.

I'm going to make cookies tonight because it's Friday and I have no friends. 
Where are you friends?
Thank you for leaving me alone to eat my feelings away. I really appreciate it. 
You're probably lying.
No, no one lies to me. What am I saying?
Well, whatever. 
I got some cheese fries.
And I got to spend some time with my Grandma and if you follow my twitter you'll realize how funny my Grandma is when she gets a little Rex in her.

I got my hair dyed yesterday and I really like it. I always love it when it's so red it's almost black. For the first time I got my eyebrows dyed, too. I've always wanted to do this and I always thought it was necessary but everyone who has ever dyed my hair said the opposite. So when the girl with a shaved head and a mini skirt straight out of 1993 asked if I wanted to do my eyebrows as well, I nodded in agreement. And I like it. Crazy, I know. I like something. Let's not go public with it. 
Speaking of, this girl was awesome. Her name is Ericka and after telling her about all of my current problems about this girl I hate, she told me that she was going to go and beat her up and give her horrible customer compliments. 
I'm 12. Forgive me, I had some terribly depressing high school years and I'm making up for it this year. Anyway, of course Ericka is moving to DC next month so she won't be able to do my hair anymore. Normally I go to my aunt's friend to get my hair done but she didn't do that great of a job last time and I'm always up for trying something new (....)
Well, here it is:
And yes, I'm in the Best Buy bathroom. I sent this to Jamie today while I was "working". I realize that it looks black at the ends and really red at the roots. That's because it is. And if you were following my hair dying drama you'd understand. But it's really exaggerated in this picture.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Things I really Want:

Yellow Pants. These are from J.Crew but I just would enjoy some. 
These adorable shoes. From Urban.

This adorable dress from Modcloth

Excuse me while I have a heart attack. 

And of course I can't afford any of them, but it'd be nice to think about it. 
I'm in the process of getting my license changed to a PA one. When I say "in the process of" I mean I'm just really lazy and it's going to take a really long time for me to find all of the necessary documents (which I have laying around in fairly convenient locations) and get down to the drivers place. I figured it was time to cut the crap and stop living in the fantasy world where I am a MD resident yet I live in PA. 

But that's my life lately. 
Hardly working because Best Buy gave me like 20 hours this week and I only work 12 hours at TSS. So I've had a lot of time to sit and think about what I want to do with my life. You know what I came up with?


This means something is wrong, something has shifted, the world is probably going to end in December. Only Pistol Annies and Miranda Lambert, but still. That's a lot of country for one person. And my camo hat is usually on.